I have been in a relationship for the last three years. Things were okay between us until sometime last year when we started arguing a lot and couldn’t just seem to agree on anything. By this time, my girlfriend was expectant and initially, I thought it was because of the pregnancy.
We grew further apart and in December, we separated. We haven’t talked for more than a month and for me, I feel like it’s over. She’s about to give birth. Is it okay for me to move on? I fear being accused of walking out on her and the baby. What should I do?
When some women are pregnant, they tend to get fussy over anything and everything. When we were expecting our first born, she craved for tripe (matumbo). Anything that didn’t smell like matumbo found its way to the trash bin, including my aftershaves and roll-ons.
What’s our point? A lot of understanding is needed during your girlfriend’s current state and walking away now might just be making a permanent decision based on a temporary situation. She probably needs your support but doesn’t know how to ask for it.
So, make yourself available and if she says she needs some space, then give it to her. After birth, don’t expect immediate results as changes in sleep patterns, postnatal depression coupled with the stress of being a first-time mum might just be overwhelming for her.
However, there could be other factors at play. There’s a possibility that you had relational issues that had not been fully resolved and the pregnancy might have just augmented things. What were your plans before the pregnancy? Were you planning to settle down together or you as a man were still non-committal?
Had you two planned for the baby or it was a shocker? When the reality of what this means hits home, you both reacted and this affected your relationship. Both of you were going through this unexpected transition and so could not look at things objectively.
It is, therefore, important not to make a hasty decision. We suggest you seek counselling for yourself and encourage her to seek one as well. What do you want? Why are you making that decision? Is it possible with outside help to work at your relationship? You might want to give it a second chance before calling it quits.
On the other hand, a lot also still depends on her. If after some time she is still acting the way she is, then you might be left with no option but to move on. Whatever you do, remember there’s a child involved, so you need to have mature discussions on how you can together co-parent this child.