Hi Achokis. I am in my early 30s and want to settle down soon. I’ve been in a relationship for the last three years. Everything has been fine until recently when my girlfriend got a better job. Now she doesn’t want to see me anymore because I don’t belong to her social class.
She doesn’t return my phone calls and doesn’t want to meet with me. I know there was a time she wanted us to settle down, but I wasn’t ready. But now that I’m ready, she wants us to take a break. I love her and don’t want to lose her. What can I do to make her change her mind? Please help!
Getting a better job is not reason enough for one to leave a relationship. However, with better job comes better pay and some people change their lifestyle and even social circle. There’s a possibility that either the new circle of friends may influence her relationship with you, or that herself she’s ashamed of introducing you or being seen with you.
On the other hand, you may be suffering from inferiority complex. That is something you need to deal with yourself as no one can make you feel inferior without you allowing it to.
Tired of waiting
You say that when she was ready to settle down, you were not. Now she has immersed herself in the new job and is no longer interested in settling down for now. She may have got tired of waiting and your hesitation may have sent a wrong signal to her and so now she’s decided to move on.
Wanting a break from a relationship is normally due to several reasons; from one wanting to re-evaluate the relationship, or concentrate on something else (the new job in case of your girlfriend), to a polite way of saying it’s over.
Mutual relationship All the above can only be ascertained if you have a face-to-face conversation where hopefully, she will be candid enough to let you know what the problem is. But the big question is, are you ready for the brutal facts?
Relationships are mutual and one cannot force the other to be in it against their wish. The noble thing to do is to give her time and space to decide what she wants. If after sometime she doesn’t get back to you, consider the relationship dead as there’s really nothing much you can do if she refuses to meet you.
This will not be easy. Allow yourself time to grieve this loss. Don’t let this relationship define who you are. Don’t quickly get into another relationship.
Get busy doing something worthwhile that may help distract you from thinking too much about her. Allow yourself time to heal and if you can’t handle it, don’t hesitate to seek help from a professional counsellor.