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How do we resolve football woes in our marriage?

Hi Achokis.

I have been married for three years. I am an ardent football fan, but my wife has no interest in the game. She complains a lot about my going out with the boys to watch football.

She even goes as far as denying me sex. When dating, she used to watch football with me. But after we got married, things changed. With Africa Cup of Nations going on in Egypt, I don’t want to go through what we’ve always gone through. What should I do? Please advise!

OUR TAKE

When courting, lovers let a lot of things pass. But when they get married, things change. As the old adage goes, love is blind— sometimes, one fails to see or understand what another is passionate about or simply ignore thinking that they would get over it. Unfortunately, when reality hits, and one realises that the partner has become even more engrossed, one gets mad. So, try and understand your wife.

Things change

Realise that men can get so engrossed on those things that they are passionate about such as their jobs or hobbies that they sometimes forget their significant others. When a man is busy pursuing a woman, he can forego some of those things or intentionally make time for her. But after he has conquered, he tends to neglect her and instead focus on those things that bring him joy.

This makes a woman get to a place where she resent the very thing that her husband loves as she feels it takes him away from her. It is, therefore, important for you to see how you can give your wife all the attention she craves for even as you indulge yourself in what you enjoy.

This will require two things, being intentional and learning to communicate beforehand. Let her know how important this is to you and agree with her on a schedule you can work with so that you give her the attention she needs while she gives you time to also enjoy your football.

Sell the idea to her so that she can also buy into it and join you in watching some of those matches. Involve her, teach her and let her know that you would love to watch the game with her. That is what companionship looks like for you as a man. Prepare her in advance so that she’s aware when the game is on.

Win-win situation

Compensate her for the time you spend watching your game. This you can do by coming home early, helping children with their homework or some household chores.

On the days when there’s no football, take her out on a date or also watch with her something she loves watching. That way, you may just win her over to your side. It also becomes a win-win situation— you make your wife happy and you get to enjoy your game of football.

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