My wife is a go-getter. But she has pushed me so much. We are a middle class family, but she insists on us living in the suburbs, driving a SUV and living a lavish lifestyle though it’s a struggle for me. On January this year, our three-year-old daughter was joining school.
She said her children would always get the best in life and went ahead and enrolled her at an expensive international school. I asked her where she got the money from and how she intends to maintain her in school, but she said I shouldn’t worry about it.
I know how much she earns, and I know she cannot afford it plus other house bills, which we share. Does that mean she has another man who is meeting her financial needs? Why can’t she live within her means?
Financial matters can be a cause of strain in many marriages. Your wife is a go-getter and has a drive, which is good. But that drive if not properly channeled can destroy her and your marriage. You ask, why can’t she live within her means?
There are several reasons why people do this. What we don’t realise as adults sometimes is that we try to relive our lives through our children. Because she desired to go to a good school and live a particular kind of life growing up, she now wants to bequeath that to her child and herself. She vowed to herself that she will live in opulence and never in poverty and that is what might be driving her.
The kinds of friends she is keeping could also have an influence on her. Adults also have peer pressure and if your circle of friends live in a particular neighbourhood, take their children to particular schools and drive a particular car you will be pressurised to do the same even if you may not be earning as much as they are. She could also be suffering from low self-esteem issues and so thinks that by living a certain lifestyle she can make up for it.
Source of money
On the question of whether she has another man meeting her financial needs, the answer maybe yes or no. For it to be a yes, there will be other things to look out for such as sudden change in behaviour, dressing, and timings. These things will confirm or disapprove your fears. But even if you cannot prove or disapprove your suspicions, she will have to convince you where that extra shilling is coming from.
You don’t want your house to be raided by the Ethics and Anti-Corruption Commission (EACC) officials one of these Fridays. You also need to make her know that as a couple, it is important to make financial decisions together no matter who is bringing what.
She or you cannot make unilateral decisions about how you are going to live your life as a family otherwise then what is the need of being married? You also must have a say. Especially as the man of the house you need to be listened to and be respected.