In the recent past, two things have been featured prominently in our news: Corruption and spousal killings. Last week, a magistrate was arraigned over the murder of her husband, a lawyer.
Then there was another case where a father accused his son-in-law of murdering his daughter not to mention the murder of Mary Wambui Kori, allegedly by her husband’s side dish. What is it with our families and why are people resorting to such heinous crimes against the very people they are supposed to have and to cherish?
A marriage can be sweet, but also sour at the same time. When issues are not addressed and things swept under the carpet, they can be a build-up that ends in such heinous crimes. The person one is bound to hurt deeply is the person you are married to.
This is because this is the closest person to you, it is the person you have trusted with your life, leave alone your issues and property. Relationships can also be stressful and this coupled with the normal stresses of life can lead one to do such a thing.
We are losing our fight to remain one in marriage because of our inability to resolve conflicts. It is thus important for us to learn communication and conflict resolution skills that will help us resolve conflict at home.
We also need to accept that we sometimes cannot resolve our disputes by ourselves. We need to involve our village—be a part of a community of married couples where we encourage and challenge each other to remain one. A community where we are free to be ourselves and openly share our challenges, and where we give others permission to speak into our lives.
A community where we can be authentic. Part of that village should also be a professional counsellor trained to handle matters of marriage. It is high time we accepted that yes, we need help and just the way we see medical doctors for our physical health, there’s need to seek psychological help in our marriages. Let’s not cheat ourselves that we can manage this while all the signs are showing that we can’t.