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Will religion do us part?

Barnabas & Grace Achoki

Hi Achokis.

I’m in my early 30s and in love with a man who has a good job. He is handsome, romantic and treats me so special. We have been going out for the last two years and agree on everything else except religion.

Whereas I want to bring up my children in Church, this guy has no time for Church and he has told me so in no uncertain terms. Whenever it comes to issues of religion, we always argue badly and leave each other in a foul mood.

I really love him and don’t want to lose him seeing that my clock is ticking and it may be too late to start all over again with someone else. What should I do? Please help!


Being in a relationship with someone you love and who treats you so nicely and is handsome and romantic feels good. Any woman will die for this kind of guy.

Maybe he is the right man for you maybe not. We will let you decide. But chances are if you are not agreeing on what is vital for you and consistently making excuses for him, he isn’t right for you.

Dating the wrong guy makes you more likely to marry the wrong guy. When one is getting married, there are several things to take into account some of which you might compromise, while others are important and should be non-negotiable. In marriage, you must have shared values otherwise your relationship is going to be founded on shaky ground.

If as you say going to Church and raising your kids in Church is such an important thing to you, then that must be one of the qualities you look for in a husband among the many other things. This is one of your core values and unless you want to change, it is going to be difficult to live with someone you don’t share this core value with.

Things tend to get worse on the other side once you have said “I do”. The man may even refuse you to take his children to church. What will you do? It is said that women marry men hoping that they will change, but more often than not, they don’t. They only become more of what they already are.

And so, if this is that important to you, then you must end the relationship. It is never too late to begin again. Who knows you might just get the right guy who values what you value.   Your clock may be ticking, but don’t allow yourself to get to a point of desperation where you lower your standards.

It is better to remain single than to be in a marriage where you are not happy, as how can the two of you live together unless you agree on this fundamental thing? Don’t push the man to change just because of you, let him change first and foremost for himself when he sees the need to change. Probably the separation will help him see that otherwise you move on with your life. Barnabas & Grace Achoki are marriage and relationship coaches.

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