Hi Achokis. I recently had a bad fight with my husband and left home because he was unfaithful. This is not the first time. Since then, we have talked on and off when he is enquiring about our children. The past few days I have been battling with the idea of going back. I feel that my being away would make him get into another relationship. What do I do?
Thanks for your question. Moving out was a good thing to do under those circumstances. And since this wasn’t the first time your husband was unfaithful, how have you been resolving the issue to get back together? Or did you just wish it away hoping that he would change and moved on?
A spouse cheating once though, still not acceptable because of the pain it causes the other partner and the effect it has in the marriage relationship, can be excused, especially if the guilty party comes out clean and apologises for the misdemeanour. But when it becomes a habit, that’s another matter.
The problem with many people is that when such things happen, they try to resolve it on their own. They are quick to forgive and because of the fear of divorce or what others may think, they quickly brush it aside and hope they can move on. But what they don’t realise is that unless properly dealt with, there’s a possibility of the unfaithfulness recurring.
You want to move back because you feel he might get into another relationship. But if he got involved with other women when you were still there, who tells you that by moving back he won’t? If anything, it might just make him continue with this bad habit. He probably has come to the place where he knows that there’s nothing you can do.
This guy has proven to be untrustworthy, why would you then give him back your heart for him to break it again? You must take care and protect yourself, otherwise this thing can destroy you not just physically, but more so, emotionally. That way, you won’t be of any good both to yourself and to your children.
What you need to do is be firm with him. Don’t move back until you are sure he has changed. You can rope in both your parents at this point and explain to them why you are staying apart. That will make him see the seriousness of the matter and hopefully change.
But even if he promises to change, make sure that he is willing to go through therapy so that with the help of a professional, he can be helped and you can be sure that this problem has been sorted out once and for all. Should your hubby be unwilling to change, then you might be left with no option, but to separate and co-parent your children together.