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Caught in an emotional rut with two men

I’ve been engaged and in a long distance relationship for two years now. I cheated on my fiancé with a friend and became pregnant. The guy who impregnated me was supportive, but I could not bear the guilt. So I spilled the beans to my fiancé who was mad with me. However, we talked things out.

Early last month, I discovered that the other guy’s chic was also pregnant. This stressed me so much that I miscarried. My fiancé ended the engagement accusing me of aborting the baby. The other chic also lost her baby and the guy dumped her saying he wanted to be with me. My feelings for this other dude are growing. Last weekend, my fiancé called saying we should work things out. I’m confused.

Our Take

We applaud you for being truthful. You would have chosen to quietly abort the baby and no one would have known, but you didn’t, and sorry for the miscarriage.

Two years is a long time to be engaged if there are no plans of taking the relationship to the next level. Have you discussed about your future together? When do you intend to get married and is he going to come back and settle here or will he take you to be with him wherever he is? These are pertinent questions that you need to consider, especially if you are considering making up with him.

On the other hand, two years is a short time to have gotten involved with someone else. Trust once broken is difficult to be restored. And though your fiancé seems to have forgiven you, it is difficult for him to trust you again—no wonder he thinks you aborted.

Now that he called and apologised asking that you work out things, you need to have some honest conversations about your relationship. What next? What are both of you going to do differently this time to avoid what happened?

The feelings for the guy who got you pregnant is as a result of the fact that you can actually see the guy and touch him, unlike the one abroad. My concern is that the man dumped the other girl for you.

What makes you think that he will not dump you after a year or so and pick up another girl? Time will tell. Right now, everything looks rosy and love is in the air. Think twice, you might just be infatuated.

The fact that your fiancé has decided to give the relationship a second chance means there’s still something he sees in you. If he is stretching out his hand to you, why would you hold back? 

Time again will tell. Will he continue to pursue you after two months, a year or so?  Step back and take time to deeply think about what you want. Taking a small break from both relationships will help you clearly see what you want. There is no harm in letting the two men know that you need some time to think.

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