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What does it mean to be a man?

Hi Achokis, I’m 25 years old still on campus due to unavoidable circumstances. I would like to ask what is ‘to be fully established as a man’?  Is there a due date for one to start dating or be in a romantic relationship with someone?

Thank you for your question. There’s no need to worry that you are 25 and still on the campus. The fact is that you are on campus and that’s what is important.

You ask, what is “to be fully established as a man”. Now that is a very interesting question that is constantly asked today. In the olden days there was a clear rite of passage from boyhood to manhood, but in today’s world, it is not quite clear and the lines are blurred.

In fact, one of the greatest crises we are finding ourselves in today is that confusion as many men still behave like boys. Simply going through a rite of passage without proper guidance and mentorship doesn’t necessarily make you man as much as that is important.

There are certain qualities that determine manhood. One of those qualities is being responsible. Taking responsibility first and foremost of yourself and then others. Taking responsibility for your own decisions and not running away or blaming others.

Taking responsibility for your own mistakes as well. This ability to take responsibility and be responsible is what makes you a man. Once you can take care of yourself and others, you are ready to start dating.

Relationships require maturity, for us not to be selfish, but rather selfless. It requires you as a man being able to take responsibility for someone else financially not just emotionally.

As far as being romantic with one’s partner, NOT spouse as it is yet not your spouse, it is okay as much as you don’t go overboard.

We say this, dating should be a time of getting to know each other well, your likes and dislikes, your interests, the real you, before committing to a long-term relationship. It is thus important that dating couples spend time getting into each other’s hearts and not under each other’s clothes.

The mistake many young people do is to put the cart before the horse and thus end up hurting each other in the process. They become sexually involved so soon before knowing each other well and by the time they are discovering certain things about each other it’s too late.

So as a man, ask yourself are you ready and mature enough to take care of someone else? At this time of your life probably it will be prudent for you to first complete campus studies before thinking of a serious relationship.

Start by developing friendships with the opposite sex before you can start zeroing in on one person. What is your goal in dating this person? What do you want, sex or a relationship that may end up into marriage?

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