Hi Achokis. I fell in love with a girl last year. We have had a good relationship, I must say and were even thinking of getting married. My problem is she comes from a rich family. She does not fancy going to shags and doesn’t know how to cook.
She is more focused on her career and keeps high-class friends. I’m a down-to-earth guy, raised in the village and loves going to shags. My friends are normal guys. I feel we might not be compatible and, therefore, find myself procrastinating proposing to her. She’s getting a little antsy about this, yet I don’t want to break her heart. What should I do? Please help!
Thank you for your question. They say love is blind, and it knows no boundaries. We fall in love with people across our culture, religion or class. But we also fall in love with people who have different likes and dislikes from us. So, when it comes to seeking a partner to marry, we must realise it’s about integrating our lives with our partners. This calls for our willingness to change and adapt to each other and if either of you are not willing to do so, then it would be difficult to live with each other.
As an individual, sometimes you need to go beyond your comfort zone and be willing to learn new cultures and ways of life. Getting hooked to such a person can sometimes make you shape up in some ways as you also teach them to learn your ways. However, there can also be those things that we believe strongly in— those that we are not willing to trade off. Her not being able to cook properly could be because of how she was raised, and who knows, she could be willing to learn for your sake. The fact that you have related well thus far is an indicator you are compatible. You are now looking beyond her as a girlfriend. Now you view her as a wife-to-be and you have certain expectations of what a wife should look like, thus your apprehensions.
As a relationship progresses, especially towards marriage, it is important that the couple be honest with each other expressing both their fears and their expectations. What you need to do now is to have a candid conversation with her expressing your concerns based on your observations. Remember they are just your observations not facts. By having that conversation, you may be surprised by how wrong you could be or could just confirm your fears. Talking freely about such things and being open to her perspective could just help you adjust and accept her the way she is. Failure to agree on things that are important to you may mean not proceeding with the relationship. Keeping her guessing longer isn’t going to help either of you.