Hi Achokis. I have been in a relationship for seven months. We have had a good time with my girlfriend. But now we are not in good terms—she doesn’t reply to my texts or calls, but when I implore her, she says nothing. Recently, she told me to delete all the posts I’ve been uploading on Facebook about us, without any explanation. I even went further and talked to her mum, but all in vain. I’m depressed and I’m just thinking of doing something bad. Please help!
Thanks for reaching out for help. Seven months in a relationship is quite a short time, though long enough for reality to sink in. It takes three to six months for the initial feelings of love to start waning out and that’s probably what has happened to your “girlfriend”. Reality has set in after the initial infatuation stage and when that happened, she couldn’t handle telling you the truth. So, she decided to go quiet.
There’s also a possibility that she was double dealing, and when she made up her mind to settle with the other person, she went quiet on you. The fact that she has now come out openly and told you to delete all the posts you have been posting on Facebook means for her, the relationship is over.
Love isn’t forced
Please don’t do something bad because of another person’s decision. Love must be mutual and you cannot force someone to love you. This has got nothing to do with you— it’s the other person’s choice and you can do nothing about that. It is unfortunate that your girlfriend didn’t have the audacity to tell you what happened, thus there was no proper closure. This is the biggest problem we have in relationships, we never bring things to a closure and so the person dumped is always left with double tragedy.
One, the fact that your love is not reciprocated and two, the fact that you were left and there was no explanation as to what happened. We, therefore, understand your pain and disappointment.
You need to accept that it’s over, accept that yes, it has hurt you badly. Don’t live in denial, don’t jikaze kama mwanume, cry over it, count your losses. Then forgive this girl for what she has done to you. Release her and don’t allow bitterness keep you in the prison of unforgiveness.
Don’t allow another person to determine your happiness, pick yourself up, dust yourself, find a hobby that you enjoy and immerse yourself into it. This should be something productive not destructive such as alcohol, sex or even a rebound relationship. It will not be easy, don’t walk this journey alone, get someone you can trust to talk to, preferably someone who has been through what you are going through. If things get worse, please seek professional help.