I don’t want to be a single mum

I don’t want to be a single mum

With The Achokis

I have been going out with my boyfriend for more than three years. I got pregnant in August last year and I suggested he move in with me as he was staying with his brother. In December, we visited his family and we agreed they were to visit mine for customary marriage after I give birth in May.

Things seemed to have been going well as he even got a new job. However, it took a different twist this year when he started hanging out and drinking daily with his new-found colleague. I tried talking to him but it seemed like he didn’t care. He even refused to give me money to buy baby’s clothes.

One day, he came home drank and became violent. The following day, I went to sleep at my cousin’s place and told him to leave and that we take two weeks to seriously think about our relationship. He called and told me that he had left.

He went quiet on me and when I asked him what he’s decided about us, he said since I kicked him out, he guesses we are done. Yes, I kicked him out but he also beat me up. I tried telling him we sort out that issue but he refused saying we can only talk about the baby.

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I want him back because I don’t want to raise this baby alone— the fact that I was raised by a single mother makes me not want to be one too. What do I do? Please advise!

HIS TAKE

Men, especially those with low self esteem can easily be influenced as they can do anything to belong. This seems to be the case since he started hanging out and drinking with this new found colleague.

So, to fit in the crowd or to try to gain acceptance he will do crazy stuff or also want to show that he too is a man by drinking till late in the night, cheating on you or even beating you up so that when the other guys are talking about how they beat their women, he too has a story to tell.

One of the things that counsellor M Gary Neuman, in his survey of 200 cheating and non-cheating husbands found out was that 77 percent of cheating men had a good friend who cheated. It is therefore possible that this guy is being influenced by this new found friend as rightly put.

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It is a case of bad company corrupting good morals. The question then you may have to ask yourself is, is this the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with? A man who is easily influenced by his friends? A man who is not his own man? A man who is not man enough to confront the issue and talk about it?

A man who comes late at night and beats you up? It is better to remain a single mother than put up with this kind of a man. Don’t let your fears drive you into a wrong marriage. You can only salvage your relationship if the man is willing to come down and talk to you.

If he is willing to be man enough to say he is sorry, to come after you, to pursue you. Otherwise, just like before you will be the one driving the relationship. And so, what does the man do?

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