Since time immemorial, men cheated and defended themselves saying they are polygamous in nature. Now women have taken it a notch higher without arousing the least of suspicion. How? You ask
Back then, a woman who cheated on her husband would suffer dire consequences. She would be stripped and frogmarched round the village square to serve as a lesson to other hopefuls. Stories were told about women who committed suicide the moment they learnt that someone knew about their affair.
However, the modern day adulterous wife seems to take it all in stride. Just how they manage to keep it a secret and not get caught remains a mystery we hope to solve here.
“No doubt that a husband is your soulmate and pillar of your life. But if you’re a ‘multifaceted’ person, you need several different colours on your field,” says Rose Maina, a businesswoman.
Playing the cards right
“As long as you play your cards right and avoid getting caught, a little affair can spice up your marriage,” says Grace Awino who has been married for six years now. She didn’t start an affair because she was lacking anything. She was just looking for adventure.
Another, Sharon Kilonzo says she has been having an affair for the last three years. “Define your role in the relationship, what you want and try as much as possible to avoid crossing boundaries,” she says.
According to her, expecting one person— man or woman to satisfy and make you happy for the rest of your life is a direct ticket to divorce. “The happiest people I know, both men and women have a sense of purpose and passion outside of marriage,” she says.
Her lover funds her financial needs, most of which the husband is incapable. “Don’t get me wrong, I still love and respect my husband,” she quickly assures. “But thanks to my boyfriend, we don’t have to argue over tiny financial issues,” she adds.
So, just how does she manage to keep it a secret? “We have our time during the day and get home on time, so none of us has issues with our spouses. And since my lover goes for business trips, I join him in the name of work trips or chama trips,” she says.
They rarely communicate when they are with their significant others. And they have a code they use whenever one calls or text and the spouse is around so that the conversation doesn’t get suspicious. Therefore, her phone is an open book. She doesn’t hide it.
She never forgets to delete any naughty texts she sends or receives. When she gets home, she’s able to switch and focus her attention on her husband. Asked about her husband she says, “I can’t imagine ever leaving him, no!” About her lover, she says, “I can’t imagine ever leaving him, no!” “I want to stay happily married and carry on with my affair,” she adds.
The secret, she says, is not giving your spouse a reason to suspect you. Pamper him, respect him, adore him and love him. You know, men are like children, so they want to be pampered. Do that and he’ll never suspect anything,” Sharon says.
When she gets home, Sharon is submissive to her husband. “I know I’m being greedy, but it’s not affecting anyone else in a bad way. If anything, it enhances my sex life with my husband. And when you’ve two men seeing you naked, you certainly keep yourself fit, which is a plus for me,” she adds.
However, sociologist Jackline Wamunyu says managing one love relationship is hard and so having another man on the side can be even harder. “Every woman is free to create her own marriage. If she feels that reawakening old flames will work for her marriage, by all means do it. If she feels going out with another man will do the magic, so be it,” she says.
Wamunyu is, however, quick to clarify that she does not condone such behaviour because she is in a strictly monogamous marriage.
Marriage counsellor and promoter of peace in marriage Syaviha Mulengya says there’re many couples who have gone for long-term marriages with no cases of infidelity. “You just have to find the lover and friend in your spouse and all will be well,” he adds.