The year 2019 is here and guess what? The 21st century is about to stop being a teenager! As usual, people are busy saying “New year… New me” like the New Year is coming with a ‘clear history’ button.
Others in 2019 are hoping to implement things they swore to do in 2018 because they had promised themselves to do in 2017 since they had planned to do them in 2016 due to the fact that they were resolutions for 2015 deliberated in 2014! Now as that happens, I have New Year’s resolutions that campos should abide to in 2019:
• Striking is not documented as some sort of competition, so y’all should stick in your classes and read your books!
• Comrades with horsehair should attend classes at the school farm #NoMercy.
• Comrades should learn to spend HELB wisely. This is not the year of buying people chicken when money comes in and eating like chicken the whole semester.
• University of Nairobi (UoN) peeps should graduate! You can’t be in school for 13 decades.
• In 2019, those classroom slay queens who go to class and won’t take any notes from the lecture, but will take 345 selfies when they visit the washrooms, should stop!
• UoN should name their university and stop giving us directions. We know you are in Nairobi, now name your campus!
• Sponsors must fall. I repeat, sponsors must fall! Boychild, awaken! This is our year of winning this war.
• Catholic University peeps should finally tell us if they cook with Holy Ghost fire.
• People in Multimedia University should finally be documented as Kenyans Living in Diaspora. Rongai is not in Kenya.
• Campo damsels should stop stealing our hoodies by pretending to borrow them.
• If you never replied his texts when he was broke and going for lectures hungry, please don’t call him ‘babe’ when HELB money is in. These evil spirits should be cast out in 2019! Riswa!
• Then we have the ‘Campus-made babies’. This is not a year of school pregnancies! If he comes to you citing cold weather, tell him to drink coffee and cover himself with the blood of Jesus.
• Those campo females putting flowers on their heads on Snapchat like they are paying tribute to their dead brains, should just stop.
• All comrade mantras remain in 2019. A comrade is always right, a comrade must enjoy and most importantly, Degree ni harambee!