Hi Achokis, we have been married for seven years now and we have two beautiful children. Our marriage has been good, I would say, except for the normal conflicts that every couple has. But I am concerned because I don’t feel my husband is emotionally close to me.
He is withdrawn and doesn’t like being alone with me. This is frustrating and it makes me shout at him sometimes. This is not helping as the more I complain and raise tantrums, he withdraws even further away from me. I am stressed, what should I do?
Thanks for your question. When a man is emotionally distancing himself from his wife, there can only be two reasons. One, is that he has reached a place where he really doesn’t care that you are hurting and upset with it or secondly, it may just be one of those seasons where there’s just a disconnect between you. You both love each other, but are not just feeling it right now.
If it is a case of the latter, then this is not something to worry about as seasons come and go. So, yours is to weather the storm and wait for the next season of your relationship. However, what you do in these moments will determine how long you stay there.
If you complain, disrespect your man and throw tantrums, he may just move further away from you emotionally. They say it is only a mad person who does the same things over and over again expecting a different result So change tact.
Ask yourself, what is it that your man could be going through? Is he stressed at work or financially? This could be the reason he is withdrawn. When men are stressed or tired, they withdraw into their caves. Sometimes guys just withdraw because they can’t stand your constant complains and criticism. So ask yourself, what is it that I can truly be thankful for my husband.
Focus on that instead of the negatives and you will be surprised at how his mood changes. Ask yourself, what does my husband need to feel close? Are you loving him the way he wants to be loved? Are you meeting his need?
This you can only know if you have a conversation with him. You can communicate with him through email pouring your heart about your concern and asking how you can help. If in spite of all your efforts to bridge the gap nothing changes, then there’s a problem.
It may just be that your guy is punishing you emotionally by withdrawing and so however hard you try to bridge the gap, nothing is going to change. In this case, it may be a case of emotional abuse which is often more subtle yet more lethal than a physical abuse. If that’s the case, then it may just be time for you to make a drastic move for the sake of your sanity and emotional well-being.