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Women’s struggle with the ‘ho phase’

It may sound illicit, but in reality, a lot of women experience a phase of uncontrolled sexual desires that lead to taboo-like self-discovering adventures

“Inaitwa kuenda mteremko na unapita na kila kitu (It’s accelerating down a slope, sweeping everything along the path),” begins 30-year-old Sharon Chebet, as she opens up about her ‘ho phase’ period.

For the past six months, Sharon has had a rather ‘unusual’ feeling in her body. She feels undeniably hot and sexy that when a man passes by, she feels like grabbing him and pulling down his pants for the obvious.

Despite the fact that she is a staunch Christian, she feels okay exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. Sometimes the activities have not ended up in sex, but in other instances, she has ended up having a few one-night stands.

“I have been experiencing an uncontrollable tendency to dance provocatively with strangers, be a tease in social settings, flirt non-stop, kiss and/or make-out with others and generally getting caught up in the moments,” she explains.

In the past six months, Sharon has had enough one-night stands than she can count. She explains that there has been some great sense of satisfaction each time she’d hook up with a man and that she is always left dying to tell the world about her latest naughty escapades.

“In that moment, I feel like a super woman. The best part of this is that, even if I share the experience, I am able to go through the moment step by step. And because the man is not your boyfriend, you find yourself going into complete detail and even answering questions about the size of his penis,” says Sharon.

Rite of passage

Also referred to as a slut phase, ho phase ‘is’ a rite of passage for many women, in which the goal is to have casual sexual encounters with as many partners as possible within a specified period of time.

According to the Urban Dictionary, this phase happens when a woman is okay with exploring promiscuous activities and connecting with random people. Sometimes, the activities do not always end in sex, but in most instances once may engage in it if they choose to.

Though an unpopular opinion, some women including sex experts believe that the phase really does give women the chance to get in touch with their inner selves.

“Before you swing the sword of morality, the idea of going through a hoe phase is usually to help you meet and date as many people as possible, get to know people and the options available to you, as opposed to settling with just one person and becoming stuck with that person, wondering years later whether you could have made a better choice if you had waited a little more,” says sexologist Maurice Matheka.

While this phase happens to both men and women, the society, in most instances, harshly criticise women for their actions. As a result, Sharon is scared to let her close friends discover her latest “strange cravings”.

In her early 20s, she recalls, her mother advised her not to be offended if a man never wanted anything serious with her. She, however, regrets her decision to go slow on matters exploring her sexuality.

“So, essentially, women are expected to sit on the sidelines and wait as men run the show and have all the fun right? To me, this doesn’t seem any fair. Women are equally entitled to “play outfield” and sleep with whomever they choose,” she argues.

Opinionated society

It’s a known fact that most single men sleep around. Men in their early 20s are in their prime, having the time of their lives exploring the world and are not looking to settle down. They get to call it a part of the initiation process.

However, women are typically uncertain to behave in this same fashion due to the irrational fear of acting like a slut. They have to remain virgins before marriage and while they are busy turning a house to a home, the husband is busy reminiscing about the thrills of his days as a bachelor

The hoe phase enables a woman to understand how her body works. It also gives them self-confidence and also gives them skills in bedroom matters.

It is also believed that going through this phase increases one’s chances of being faithful when you finally decide to bury ‘fall in love’ and settle with one partner.

“If women were allowed to have hoe phases, they could hone their sex skills. They will have the chance to learn what’s good and what’s not for their Miss Victorias. They would have the opportunity to get their sex game on point as well,” adds Matheka.

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