Finding a man of your dreams is hard. And even once you think you have found your Prince Charming, you may just be his mistress
When 28-year-old Jacinta Mwangi met this man at a business cocktail party, she thought she had found her match. He was charming, eloquent and humorous. They exchanged contacts and a relationship ensued.
As an independent woman, Jacinta was happy that her man did not seem clingy. They would go out once in while because, as he put it ‘he was a busy man.’ However, when they were together, he would be all loving and compensate for the time they were apart.
However, one day she received a call she would never forget. The woman on the other end demanded that Jacinta should stop messing around with her husband. “I was shocked. I had dated this man for over one year, but he had never told me he was married. I was so annoyed. I had never in my life dreamt of being a side chick,” she says.
Jacinta is not alone in this. Many women have been caught up in such situations. While Jacinta was lucky to have just resolved her case over the phone, others have been embarrassed by the main woman: cat fights, being exposed on social media platforms, name them.
However, some find themselves in this situation unknowingly. Relationship coach Beatrice Nderitu says if you have a weird feeling about your man and a sense that he’s taking a while to take the relationship to the next level, then you could well be the side chick.
Another red flag, is when the guy never introduces you to his friends. “When you meet the friends, it’s a sign that he’s really into you and wants to show you off. But if he keeps you away from his friends, typically, he likes to keep you and his personal life separate. That way, gossip doesn’t spread around,” she says.
Also, if you are his girlfriend, he would make time for you as much as he can. However, as a side chick, he only sees you once in a while. And when you meet, it’s usually the same day, same time. “It’s like a routine.
He has to keep it like this because he has his cheating down to an art. He has a specific excuse for that time block when he’s with you. That’s why you never see him outside of that specific time and day,” Nderitu explains.
And when he doesn’t open up to you, run. The relationship coach says when you know you’re only going to be sleeping with someone for a short period of time, you don’t really open yourself up as this will only get you hurt. So, if you’ve tried to get him to be emotional and he shuts down, he doesn’t want to get attached to you.
If you’ve been dating him for a while, it’s normal that there would be photos of you on social media. “But when you try to take a photo of him, he freaks out and tells you to not post anything online. Come on, you know what this means. It’s not because he thinks he’s photogenic. It’s because he doesn’t want anyone to find out he’s hooking up with you,” she adds.
Sometimes, he may go silent for weeks, even months. “Does he have a tendency to suddenly disappear without telling you where he’s going or what he’s doing? And what’s even better is that he will magically pop up out of nowhere like nothing ever happened? Maybe he had to chill a bit because his partner became suspicious,” Nderitu notes.
Another clue is if he doesn’t pick up your calls. “It’s normal to miss a call once in a while. But it’s funny, just when you happen to call, he never has good reception or his battery is low. Convenient, right? There’s a reason why he can’t pick up your calls after work hours, and this points to one of those strong signs you’re a side chick. Perhaps he’s with his family or girlfriend,” she says.
Also, no one would be so protective with their phones if they didn’t have something important or secretive about it. If he’s deleting his entire call log every day and has his photos encrypted, then there’s something to question. In addition, if he always walks away when texting or talking on the phone, that’s something to be suspicious of.
And do you know where he lives? “Unless he’s embarrassed to tell you that he lives with his mum, there’s another reason as to why you’ve never stepped foot into his house. That’s probably because he’s not living there alone. Hint: it’s not his mum,” she concludes.