There is no other country I would rather be in than Kenya! Seriously! In which other country do you think 750,000 bags of maize valued at Sh1.8 billion would go bad in government stores after importing the same from Mexico and we all act like we are surprised?
Oh, and by the way, the Sh4.5 billion that was spent importing that maize does not have any receipts! Yes, we are operating on trust! God, I love this country!
It’s also the only country that the President issues instructions to a Cabinet secretary during a national function and the same minister holds a press conference the following day to respond to the President! How doesn’t everybody live here? This country is gold!
In other news, last month, President Uhuru Kenyatta appointed 75-year-old former Kitui senator David Musila chairman of the National Museums of Kenya. Up until now, some people, especially the youth, are still complaining! I don’t get it! What are you all complaining about?
Speaking of which, do you remember when yours truly wrote that the Cabinet was in deep slumber? Well, good news! I’m proud to officially announce here today that the Cabinet reads this paper and more importantly this article and finally, they are awake! How do I know? Let me explain.
A fortnight ago, the Interior and Transport ministries sent out a joint statement titled “Notice on traffic law enforcement.” The statement states that matatu operators and owners have until November 12 to comply with the 2003 enacted “Michuki Rules.” You know, seatbelts, speed governors, uniforms etc. (They threatened to do something yesterday!)
First of all, let us all appreciate that there are two ministries here working together. In Kenya, this is akin to a total solar eclipse or a blue moon or Hon Duale producing the al Shabaab list he promised. So, congratulations are in order, I guess. The first CSs to wake up are Fred Matiang’i and James Macharia. Welcome back, gentlemen.
Secondly, what a caring government! In other countries I have not been to, they just arrest you for not following the law, especially one that was enacted 15 years ago! But how lame is that? Kenya is a country of cool kids, a selfie-taking president and a hustler for his deputy, that’s not how we roll! Here, we inform you first then take a fifty bob and look the other way!
Anyway, let’s be optimistic. And since the government seems like it’s in a good mood, let’s give them some actual Nairobi laws that they should enforce. NB, these are all real laws. They actually exist.
The first one is to arrest or fine all those who pick their noses in public. Next is to force people to paint their buildings in Nairobi annually. They can start with Harambee House and Afya House. Also State House—there should also be a law against dirty, haggard, old, dusty curtains.
Authorities should also arrest/fine those seven people who have not queued at the bus stop. The law says if there are more than six people at the stage, they have to queue.
After finishing with the enforcement of the Michuki rules, will the government kindly inform us when the law that bars theft of public funds will be enforced? Thanks. Have an informed week ahead. The writer is a presenter at Kameme TV [email protected]