When money isn’t everything in marriage

Financially stable? Check. Ambitious? Check. Not stingy? Check. So you marry him. Turns out you should have been prepared for lonely nights

Sandra Wekesa @andayisandra

When Mary Kariuki looks back at her life, she feels as if something has been missing for the past three years. Ever since she got marriage, she has had to deal with loneliness most of the time. She envies her friends who have their husbands around all the time as the love of her life barely comes home.

Her husband, a businessman is a busy person. The worst part of it is the fact that her husband thinks money is everything. So, whenever he sends her money, he feels that solves everything.

To her, this is not what she always wants — it’s not all the time when she reaches out to her husband she wants money, but rather misses his love and affection.

Physical presence

“Most of the time when I go to bed, I always miss his presence.  It has never been easy, but I always think of him at all times,” says Mary.

She adds: “I remember there is a time I was sick and he promised to come home. But when it got to evening, he just sent me Sh20,000. I felt bad and cried the whole night, but I later on comforted myself and felt better.

After that day, when I inform him I want to be with him, he sends me money then shows up two weeks later, apologising as if I had been okay. Well, I always end up forgiving him,” says Mary.

Victor Owiti says he doesn’t understand what women want. “If you are broke, it is difficult to find a woman. And when you find a genuine woman, you want to spoil her. What’s wrong with that?” he poses.

Money plays an important role in everyone’s life and financial stability is one of the key pillars of marriage. No wonder for some women, a suitable mate has to tick financially stable check list. But one of the questions that cross our mind usually is ‘Does money make people happy?’

And there is no simple answer. It may seem money is a sure path to prestige and happiness. After all, many of rich people are held up as role models of success, leading seemingly perfect, enviable lives. But there is a but…in life, there are some things that money cannot buy.

“In life, the most wonderful pleasures can never be bought, not even with money. Nothing can be more satisfying than having a man spend time with his woman…that feeling when she rests her head on his chest as they talk. It is a precious moment,” says Mary. 

Marriage and relationship coach Grace Okello says men are providers and they measure their worth by how much they have been able to give their families in terms of material support.

Even in the olden days, men would go out hunting and leave the woman back at home. Then he would come back home with food and everything he thought the woman needed. She adds that at that time, the man wouldn’t have anything to worry about because he had played his role in her life.

“A man may want to go out of the way to make sure his woman is okay. But the woman would feel as if her love is competing with so many things in his life such as work, money and time, which automatically affects their relationship,” says Okello.

She advises couples to cultivate companionship. “A woman would feel cheated if at the end of the day, her man is not there for her emotionally and physically. She might end up looking for companionship elsewhere by having an affair. This is what most of the time breaks the family,”she says.

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