Kenya is indeed a strange and interesting country! It allows our imagination the comfort of conjuring up interesting stuff. In which other country do you think you would learn that there is a crocodile infested river on your way to Canaan? See! unaenda kuvuka mto jordan ukienda canaan, unapatana na mamba, unakulwa, unakufa! You have been forewarned.
And since we just celebrated the International Day of the Girl Child, this is, also, the only country where a governor of the capital city slaps a woman in the full glare of TV cameras (aiyayayayaya!! The fifth anniversary was last month) and forgets about it 15 seconds later when asked about it!
Last week, we learned that Canada is suffering from an acute shortage of marijuana after legalising weed sale this week. And the situation is bad, really bad.
How bad, you ask? So bad that the Canadian government was forced to issue a statement to calm the nerves of a worried citizenry, assuring them that “there will be enough marijuana to pass around.” What a wasted opportunity for Kenya, though! Did Kibra MP Ken Okoth not tell us to start growing this stuff instead of sugarcane two months ago?
Now see! Men such as Mheshimiwa Okoth should be given honorary degrees and high offices in government, not to mention that Kenyans desperately need both the product and the money to survive this economy! That would also, at least, give us something to export since we are generally a net importer.
But, worry not; President Uhuru Kenyatta is on top of things. In fact, he’s so on top of things that he even knows his cabinet is not performing!
To you and I, that might sound like obvious, non-news-worthy, we-already-know kind of information, but you have to understand, he’s the President! He’s a busy man running the country and what not.
I sympathise with the President, I really do. From experience, I can tell you, running a country is no mean fete. I mean, if I’m struggling to run a family of five in this economy, I can’t even start to imagine what it would be like if I had to think of 50 million people!
How do you, then, expect the president to know that his cabinet is asleep? Through cabinet meetings? What are those? Let me remind you that the Cabinet already held its mandatory Annual General Meeting (AGM). But the best part is, the President is on top of things!
To demonstrate how on top of things he is, the President ordered Agriculture CS Mwangi Kiunjuri to make sure farmers are paid or face the music.
Again, from experience, I know that ka-feeling of coming out of deep slumber starving, heading straight to the kitchen and how annoyed one gets if you find that the chef you are paying millions in salary hasn’t made a damn thing!
Also, guess what? The price of electricity is about to come down! In the same way the President ordered that the Standard Gauge Railway (SGR) fare should never be increased beyond Sh700, he directed the reduction of electricity prices within a month.
The hope, at this point, is that the people who have given us the privilege of paying exorbitant prices in electricity bills take the directive with a bit more seriousness than the SGR fellows who treated the President’s order as a suggestion. But then again, how do you argue with your sponsor? The writer is a presenter at Kameme TV. [email protected]