Ndung’u wa Mburu
There is no country I’d rather be in than Kenya! Seriously! In which other country do you think you’d hear a Head of State swear and reprimand his Cabinet secretary in public in his mother tongue?
This is the only country in which the opposition agrees with the government on the need for higher taxation of the poor. It’s the only country that discusses who will be voted in the next election immediately after the last one – or two! You can’t make this stuff up!
If you’ve been on social media this week, I’m sure, like me, you’ve seen a post doing the rounds calling for Makueni Governor Kivutha Kibwana to run for President in 2022. Some people have been posting that “wapende wasipende” the 64-year-old Harvard law graduate has to become President “to save” this country.
Sure, it’s four years, one referendum and one census away, but hey, what else is there to discuss? Who killed Sharon Otieno? How hot is Jowie? Duale’s al-Shabaab list? A bloated government and unsustainable economic plans? Psssh! Have you met us? This is Kenya!
As a matter of fact, the country’s last three Commanders-in-Chief (C-i-Cs) and perhaps the current one have exceeded their promises and left Wanjiku ridiculously wealthy. It’s actually true. A survey by Wealth-X, a firm that publishes the annual World Ultra-Wealth Report, says the number of Kenyans whose net worth is Sh3 billion or more grew by 11.7 per cent last year. See, Wanjiku is doing exceedingly well!
Now that wealth creation and economic freedom are utopia to her, allow me, then, to delve into the most important issue for Wanjiku: who will be President in ’22?
There are humans, whose sanity we will not question at this juncture, who think and believe that Kivutha Kibwana can be President! I must admit, when I first read of this campaign, I burst out laughing (I didn’t – I’m an African man, crying is taboo) thinking just what a ridiculous idea it is.
First of all, who is Kivutha Kibwana? Has he been involved in the National Youth Service scandal? Ok, does he have any notable corruption scandal bedeviling him? Does he have the right name from the right family and tribe? No? Then how is Wanjiku supposed to recognise this nobody if he doesn’t have the basic qualifications for Presidency?
Secondly, Kivutha is a disgrace to governors in 254. A governor should be a “President” riding around in a convoy of several chase cars averaging about 4,000cc engine capacity and at least 20 mean-looking police officers following him around in black suits and sunglasses to protect his ego from irritants and lesser mortals! Thirdly, and this is in the Council of Governors’ performance handbook, all staff members, groupies and pregnant mpango wa kandos following the governor around HAVE TO refer to him or her – or it – as “Your Excellency.”
Anything less is unacceptable! This Kivutha fellow has been seating with old and poor people at shopping centres “discussing development matters” and engaging in “public participation” on “issues that affect Wanjiku” instead of recording phone calls with his fellow governors and moving rivers instead of demolishing buildings on riparian land!
What’s wrong with this guy? He offers health insurance to “poor” residents, yet as we just read, Kenyans are becoming billionaires left right and centre. Who needs it? Which poor people?
I know we’re discussing legalising marijuana, but damn! The people pushing Governor 017 as our President in 2022 are on some serious drugs! Please, for the love of God and NYS, STOP! Thanks.
The writer is a TV presenter at Kameme TV Kenya [email protected]