Dear men, you need to do a lot of introspection before you speak. You tell women demeaning and rude things that you think are compliments. Cynthia Mukanzi expounds
1. I love a woman with natural hair
Who gave you the authority to police a woman’s body? The idea that a woman should look a certain way to please you should be interrogated and destroyed. Women, please stand up for yourselves and understand that you own your body. Do not break yourself while bending to the will of a man with selfish interests. You are not a doll or a play thing. Put on a wig, weave, braids or nothing at all if you want to.
2. Wife material
Oh my God. This is such a common phrase among Kenyans. Just because a woman knows and enjoys cooking or loves children doesn’t mean she’s vying for marriage. Surely, if such things were the only qualifiers for marriage, wouldn’t it be disastrous? Women are allowed to just be, do and enjoy life without making it about men. Marriage doesn’t add value to who they are.
3. Invite me for dinner
First of all, are you buying the food or gas that will be spent on feeding you? Those men who are always asking you to invite them over should be blocked from your phone and life. What have you done to deserve my nourishing? It is one thing to be welcomed and a totally different one to impose yourself on someone. Just because we giggle around at the workplace doesn’t mean I want you in my private space.
4. You’re not like other women
Let it be known that this is not a compliment; it’s an insult. Putting down other women because you think it makes her feel good is a low blow. There’s no competition or need to compare her to others. It’s a shallow and rude thing to say.
5. You look beautiful when you smile
Stop telling women to smile for you. This age-old sexist remark has been successfully sugar-coated and sometimes we don’t notice it until it’s too late. We are not here for your entertainment and pleasure. Men are so entitled that they will randomly belt this out in the streets to women who are minding their own business. Why should you care how you look to someone who doesn’t know you? It’s a form of harassment wrapped up nicely to disguise it.
6. Why is a sexy woman like you still single?
Excuse me. Can’t a woman enjoy her own company without her space being invaded by someone who thinks she would look better on a man’s arm? A woman like her would rather be on her own and happy than waste her breathe on someone like you. They always throw in ‘sexy’ thinking it will have a woman kissing their feet. Shame.
7. Your man must be so happy
I’ve gotten this from men who are trying to find out my relationship status. You would be genuinely engaging them on a topic they probably brought up, but all they’re doing in their head is assessing the possibility of taking you home.
And if you ignore this comment they will ask if there’s a man in your life. How about you get the cue that she is not into you? It is so annoying that our personal space can’t be respected if there’s no man in sight. They only back off when there’s another man in the picture because they respect his say more.
8. I like a girl who cooks
Boy, I’m not your mama. I was not born to nourish you. Even your mother stopped doing that when you grew up. Nobody is born with culinary skills by the fingertips. It’s something anybody can learn. And there’s no problem with a woman not liking the kitchen or not knowing how to cook.
9. Put on something nice
Again, it is her body, so please let her do with it as she pleases. She is not putting on costumes to perform for you. If paying a few cents for the bill makes you think you have a say in how she should dress for that date, then keep your cheap change.
10. That doesn’t suit you
Sometimes this is said to shame women for being firm and calling out nonsense. They might even add “you’re being too loud” or bossy, but if a man does the same he will be looked at as being bold. This dismissal of women is usually curated to make them feel small or cower to pamper the man’s ego. Boy bye.