Hi Achokis, we have been married for the last two years, I feel like I do so much for my husband and yet I have a small baby. My husband doesn’t help me at all in the house leaving me to do all the household chores. He has even refused to eat food prepared and cooked by our house help insisting that I cook for him and yet I have a crazy job. I’m tired of being used as a doormat. And then, he is complaining that I’m not giving him enough sex. Which world does he live in? I’m tired. What should I do?
Thanks for your question. We get into marriage with certain expectations and for men, one of their expectations is that their wife will cook for them and take care of them like their mothers did. But what men don’t realise is that times have changed.
Today’s woman is as busy if not more busy than their male counterparts. And so, it is impossible for them to meet those expectations. By the time a woman is getting home, she’s so swamped that she can hardly do what traditionally has been viewed to be her role.
Thus men need to consider this when entering marriage so that they manage their expectations as far as the traditional wife model is concerned. Otherwise, they should realise that they can’t have their cake and eat it.
If your man wants you to help and support him in bringing home the bacon, then he should lower his demands. If he wanted a housewife, then he should have married one. But now that he didn’t, he should live with that reality.
This is not to say that women abandon the kitchen, men love to eat their wife’s food and not the house help’s. We believe with proper approach and consideration, you considering those things that are special to him, such as making his food and serving him, and him considering your workload, you both can and should be able to reach an agreement on how best to share domestic responsibilities.
Try also and organise yourself well in the home front so that you don’t allow yourself to be swamped. You can have your house manager do the pre-prep for what is to be cooked. Maximise on the weekends. Also have your man get involved without him feeling being used (or sat on by women, as they say) can go a long way in making your life and marriage easy.
It is, therefore, important that you talk with your husband and firmly, but respectfully let him know that there are certain things that you will do and others that might be challenging.
Suggest to him ways in which he can help you ease the burden and allow him to also have an input into the same. Try and make him understand that as much as you would love to do all these things for him you can’t because of your job, which is helping you as a couple live a certain lifestyle.