People Daily

Of Waititu diverting rivers and other stories

Although the world has been treated to such sordid tales before, this one does stretch the imagination quite a bit

As far as wonders go, Kenya is in a class of its own. Indeed, we should be profiled as the world’s foremost circus, like I have said here before.

Last week, social media was awash with the weird, make-believe story of a 47-year-old woman who has decided to marry her 30-year-old son. I hear it is somewhere in Murang’a but it could happen somewhere else as well.

The woman is said to have remarked that she had invested a lot in the man and would not allow her “sweat” to be “enjoyed” by another woman. Maybe this sort of thing happens behind closed doors, but we shall not widen this net for now for reasons we shall get into at a future date. Life is short.

Although the world has been treated to such sordid tales before, this one does stretch the imagination quite a bit. Let us not even tire ourselves asking why a bloke of thirty-something was still single. Chances are he was tied to his mother’s apron strings, perhaps literally.

Of course, this is nothing to write home about, if you get what we are trying to say here. The moral distaste and contempt aside, suppose this liaison (I was going to call it marriage but changed my mind) actually lasts and society allows it.

That bloke, for starters, has become his own father. By virtue of that “marriage” he also becomes the father of his own siblings. How they will all be required to refer to him as “Baba” is a story for another day, of course.

His uncles will not know whether to call him “nephew”, which he has been biologically, or brother, which he has now become.

If that liaison is allowed to actually survive, and this couple begets offspring, things will get really tricky.

The new children will be both his kids and brothers, which will mean they will call him both father and brother. How that will play out is something to see.

And the new offspring will refer to the man’s brothers as uncles. They will also refer to them as brothers, too.

It gets murkier.

The woman’s brothers will now have to contend with calling this man both brother-in-law and nephew. You can picture the scenario of a 60-year-old man referring to a 30-year-old nephew as brother-in-law.

It is not enough to say the world will have turned upside down for everyone even remotely related to this crazy woman and her even crazier son-cum-new hubby. And there are some scenarios we shall not even start to conceive (pun unintended), if you get what I am trying to say here because we are a family newspaper. Enough said on this matter.

Still last week, Kiambu Governor Ferdinand Waititu was literally fried in both mainstream and social media for reasons you must have heard about by now.

I still do not know what prompted him to suggest that it was easier to divert a river, rather than pull down buildings erected on riparian land but he has paid a heavy price.

Social media wags went to town with hilarious memes, including one in which he was saying it is easier to move Kiambu away rather than build a road to the place.

In another scenario, Kenyans were reminded that the man acquired his degree from India before he had a passport, which suggested he must have swam all the way!

Waititu suffered a double tragedy, if we may call it that, because as he was the butt of jokes on social media, his wife was arrested because she was in the process of erecting a building without approval.

Sonko engaged him in a phone conversation, which he recorded and released for the entire world to hear Waititu pleading to be assisted by having his workers released.

I heard him telling Sonko “tumetoka na wewe mbali” (you and I have come from far). Where is this they were together? When? What did they do? Why does it matter? What do they have in common?

But what captured the national imagination was the hilarity of having to move a river from its course. It was the clincher.

Maybe he might borrow a leaf from Moses of the Bible, who parted the Red Sea for the Israelites to pass through when some crazed Pharaoh sent soldiers to take them back to slavery.

Does Waititu know something about this amazing feat that the rest of us do not? I know this country has been treated to a Joshua, whose Canaan trip aborted. But a Moses? Watch this space!

Have a water-free week, folks! The writer is Special Projects editor, People Daily

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