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I can’t keep a relationship for long

Hi Achokis.

I have trouble staying in one relationship for long. I usually start losing interest in the girl I’m dating, especially when I don’t see much value in her.

For example, if I’m always the one putting a lot of effort in a relationship, if I’m always the first to initiate most of the things such as going out and spending time together, I become disinterested with the woman.

Also, when there is a confrontation about something, I find myself ending the relationship. This has become a common trend. How do I change this behaviour? I don’t want to keep on ending these relationships every time.

Thanks for seeking our help. There’s something called the Bob principle, which goes like this: If Bob has issues with everyone else, then most probably the problem is Bob.

In your case it’s good that you have realised that you are the common denominator in your relationship issues as we always tend to blame everybody else for the mess we find ourselves in.

Our take

You are the man

There’s nothing wrong in you initiating things in the relationship since you are the man. A woman would expect her man to initiate things, more so at the beginning stages of the relationship. If the other person is not responding to your initiating, then that can be frustrating.

But if they do, however, much you initiate then there’s nothing wrong with that. Putting effort in a relationship is good, but it has to be mutual.

If you find that you are the only one putting effort in the relationship then there’s obviously something wrong with that relationship. Check out how you get into your relationships.

Do you rush into dating or do you take time to get to know the other person well enough. Relationships can be tricky and often times, will require more effort and patience than we think.

There’s a possibility that you may be impatient in your relationships and so don’t give them enough time to develop naturally and mature. You seem to be a perfectionist and so, when things don’t align themselves the way you want them to, you back off.

You have certain expectations of how the relationship should go and if it doesn’t go your way, you get disappointed. When you are disappointed, you react and get into a confrontation, which you don’t handle well, thus ruining your relationship.

Conflict solving

So, you need to be more patient, and to learn to resolve conflict well. You cannot escape from dealing with conflict in relationships and whenever there’s a confrontation, you need to work out the problem. Running away doesn’t help.

You need to know how to manage your emotions because if you don’t, you will not be able to relate well with others. Check your expectations and learn to manage them well as when you demand that others fulfil your expectations, you sabotage yourself and your relationships.

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