Let’s harness the ‘spirit’ of ghosts in our vicinity!

If you like spirits, like I do, then you will appreciate that they can make you see double. Or nothing.

I imagine you are now wondering which spirits I am talking about. Well, both: the type that visits us from the underworld and the liquid, extremely inebriating type.

Now, that’s interesting. I mean, which one borrowed a name from which? And how? Indeed, when did the two get to be referred to by the same name?

Those were the thoughts that preoccupied my mind a few days ago when I travelled to Naivasha for a trip whose details I will share another day.

You see, just a few days before that, some family in Naivasha had been visited by spirits. And I do not mean the whiskey or rum variety, now that they were folks of modest means.

I am talking about ghosts. Although I know such a prospect is a daunting one, it got me thinking.

Every so often, we hear of ghost workers. Nairobi County is the most notorious in this respect. Hundreds of ghost workers are “unearthed” every few years.

Now we know where they come from. And you can quote me on that. I mean, I have it on the authority of the local chief who was quoted in the media as saying the said family had frequently hosted the ghosts, sorry spirits.

In the spirit of getting to the truth, I have been waiting to hear that some taskforce has been formed to probe just how this phenomenon started. And how the spirits find their way to Nairobi and other centres where ghost workers draw salaries but cannot be seen working.

I have faith we shall get to the bottom of this. Why? It is the way we do things. We form a commission of inquiry to probe something or other, then form a task force to study the findings. Later we form a subcommittee to make recommendations. That’s our spirit of doing things.

But back to our ghosts. Now that we know they come from Naivasha, or were last seen there, can we make them a national resource?

They could come in handy, you know? Like we could deploy for spirited tasks such as those performed by the men in black. You recall the guys who made sure ODM polls at Kasarani remained a farce?

Why use blokes who can be identified and hauled before courts? Just imagine, unseen forces kicking tables and chairs, and everyone fleeing for dear life.

We could also send them to collect debts from folks who owe us. Imagine invisible forms (isn’t that a paradox?) knocking on doors, or flowing in through open windows and making life hell for guys who treat debts as if they were gifts.

In short, I am surprised no one has headed to Naivasha to prospect on this rather innovative and novel resource (Another paradox, terming as resources stuff whose source you know not).

The exciting possibilities are endless. We could deploy the spirits to chase away those pesky fellows from KRA who knock on doors to ask if you are giving Caesar his dues. I am sure the guys would not only scamper for dear life but would go to their bosses and resign promptly.

The most interesting use for the spirits could be as watchmen. Now don’t ask me if the strange things have gender. I just called them watchmen because most security personnel are men. That’s all.

Imagine some bad elements of the night arriving at your gate, seeing no one and trying to scale the fence or gate.

Imagine the sheer fright at being shouted at or grabbed by the collar by someone they cant see.

Heck, we could even shoot a movie about this. We could get Hollywood honchos to troop here and make Kenya great, as one Donald Trump says of the USA.

Naivasha could become the local Hollywood, to supplement the flower sector, which is a top dollar earner in its own right.

Extrapolate on this idea. We would have Ghostbusters, whatever they will do for a living. Is my imagination getting the better of me? Prove me wrong!

Have a ghost-free week, folks!

The writer is Special Projects editor, People Daily.

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