So I‘m busy minding my biashara on this social media streets, somewhere around some dingy alley I bump into this clip. So this Dad/Daddy (that’s what we call our pastors today, no?) is preaching. The congregants bust a gut laughing. I’m eager to bust three. Dad here is really going at women, pretentious women in church, the holier than thou if you may. He’s talking about just how different they’re in church from outside. More than pious in church and demons outside church.
Then I remembered where I fellowship and the different kinds of things and people I’ve seen. But before y’all go judgy on me, it would be wise to remind you that my business in church is strictly that, church business. So, if I stray and sneak up on some hangovered mamaa here and there and mind her business for milliseconds, it’s all human. She’s constantly chewing holding a pink bottle (with lemon slices and mint) in hand. Look keenly and you’ll notice Jane Mukami has nothing to do with it. But if you make a mistake of sitting next to her, every Amen she blows your way will be heavy on sins of last night. God bless her soul if she’s not the ‘mix them gather them’ type.
Gone are the pious days when church was strictly a place of worship. It’s either gossip, show-off business—who tithed highest. The most pious thing these ‘modern’ churches do would be competing about who showered the most praise on daddy and who gifted him more presents. It’s about who stood up first to support daddy when he needed contribution to either by a jet (for conducting church business, ahem). Who praised daddy the most on Father’s Day. Daddy, daddy; sometimes mummy mummy and more daddies and mummies. You’d be excused if you actually thought these people went to church to worship these mummies and daddies.
But I digress. Then 15 minutes of sermon out of a whole two hours where you’ll be constantly reminded how a heart that gives is blessed. And how we’d escape the pangs of poverty if we were sincere tithers. It’s all about giving, then you wonder what role the church itself plays as far as giving is concerned. When will that ‘sincere tither’—a widow trying to fend for her five children get assistance from the same church? Not one not two of these widows. As many people as the churches’ financial muscle can accommodate—if at all this flashy lifestyles would be anything to go by. But I digress because I’m a bit sceptical about going deep into these religious woods—that’s timber I definitely can’t break. Meanwhile, I’m more qualified in keeping lanes. I plan to stick to mine.