Do not fall sick in Kisii after cutlery shops close…

If you are endowed with a fairly good memory, you will recall us saying, just the other day, Kenya has all it takes to start a circus industry, or is it a sector?

You will recall I said many of the things we do daily belong to a circus. And every day I get fresh evidence that the move to start a circus outfit is long overdue. It could be affiliated to the Kenya National Theatre, to start with.

On Thursday, I was reminded of the last time I was admitted in hospital for some minor surgery. Just in case you start getting ideas about what was being enlarged or reduced, it was on my left wrist.

Now that your suspicion is safely out of the way, let’s resume our narrative. I spent three days at the Nairobi Hospital, during which time I was housed not far from the presidential suites.

I was served food based on a personal menu, which is to say I was asked what I would like to eat for breakfast, ten o’clock snack, lunch, four o’clock tea and dinner.

Awkward reflection

And just in case you missed it, food was served on china and eaten with silverware, engraved with the name and logo of the hospital.

For a few days, I reflected about why the business of hospitals is not called the hospitality industry. I mean why is running a hotel hospitality industry? Awkward, no? But that is a story for another day. Please remind me next week to put together all these “stories” which we keep postponing.

After such an experience at Nairobi Hospital, you can imagine my sheer shock last week when I learnt patients at Kisii Teaching and Referral Hospital must carry cutlery to be served food.

If that is not stuff for a circus, then you are watching the wrong channels.

You know, some folks are so poor that they can not afford painkillers or such other basic drugs. Now telling them to buy plates and cups to be fed is taking a joke too far, don’t you think?

So, the upshot is this: if you live in the vicinity or region served by Kisii Hospital, and happen to fall sick, just acquire these utensils otherwise starvation may get you before the illness.

That is to say if you are admitted in this hospital, your life will depend not so much on the question of whether there is food at the hospital or not, but on whether you have cutlery. By the way, is plastic categorised as cutlery? Food for thought. Pun intended.

Folks at the hospital, unfortunate enough to be without a plate and cup are forced to spend hungry nights. Can it get crazier than this? So, who came up with this mantra of ‘if you have no food plate, your goose is cooked’?

As a journalist, I would love to meet the bloke who came up with this noble, brilliant idea of ensuring deprived patients starve to death. Or what would be the objective of such a decree? In case it wasn’t his idea, I would love him to spill the beans: tell me who precisely started it all.

And talking of last week, I was bemused to learn a governor spent three nights in a cell. Yes, one of the all-powerful kings of counties locked up with pickpockets, petty thieves, thugs who prowl the night relieving taxpayers of what little KRA left them, drunk drivers and other louts.

But it was the statement by DPP Noordin Haji that governor Sospeter Ojaamong would be hauled before a court, alongside nine others that aroused some curious thoughts in me. The number ‘nine’. It keeps popping up. And I don’t know why. Or even how.

Check this out: Kebs boss, Charles Ongwae was charged with abuse of office alongside nine others. And the same DPP ordered that the owner of the killer Solai Dam be arrested, along with nine others.

Incidentally, the Solai incident occurred on May 9. And that’s not all. The Sultan Hamud accident in which a bus caught fire, nine people burnt beyond recognition.

Look at the digit ‘9’. Is it me or does it look like a cat? I’m a trifle superstitious and don’t like cats.

Guys, if you should fall sick around Kisii, you know what to do. Enjoy your week, though.

The writer is Special Projects editor, People Daily.

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