Entertainment and Lifestyle

Of M-Pesa slay queens and their attitude

God bless your soul if you haven’t had a run-in with these chics. But these mamaas! Always baked in layers and layers plus 10 other layers of make-up mwitu. Mwitu because hey, no original Mac transfers as much, no? How else would you explain the white blouse (yes, blouse) that’s now brown on the collar? Mwiruu. As if the baked collar isn’t enough, she spots these looong lashes, ready for takeoff anytime soon. Sometimes you think what an attitude she got, but no it’s the lashes—when you and I blink once per second she has to blink 10 times per second.

Uko
na
ID?
” They’ll ask, blinking. Make no mistake if you happen to have conveniently forgotten your ID. They’ll mscheeeeew you from here to Timbuktu (and increase the blinks, then now safe to assume she is mad). “Siwezi
toa
na
job
card
?” (Can’t I withdraw using my job staff card?) You ask and bless your soul if you’ll get a reply. But these yellow yellows or black and whites, who messed you up so bad?

You don’t even have to miss an ID to face their wrath. One time you’ll find her sipping on some uji and she’ll ignore you and if you are one of those ‘patience is a virtue’ beings, when she’s finally done, she’ll “enhe,
sema
” you. And you’ll feel like dragging her by those feather-like lashes, then you remember where she might be coming from and conclude, crossing those guardrails on Outering Road only to come to town and deal with people who conveniently forget their IDs ain’t no joke.

But seriously, if I have documentation read job card, passport… to prove that I’m actually the line owner, why do they really insist on IDs? I mean, not all of us walk with our identity cards. With this Nairoberry, need I say the process of replacing one. Yet some of these chics even dismiss a copy, “Wapi
original?”
Woe unto you if they do you a favour and actually allow the transaction. “Na
usizoee
.
Or
next
time
ujipange
.” While at it pulling the longest mscheeeew, blinking a thousand times per second and rolling those red/green eye-shadowed eyes. Make no mistake,it’s her job, but she’s there to do you a favour, win-win ni
wewe
. Unnecessary attitude and regulations if you ask me. Cologne? No Marash? You are lucky if you don’t leave the shop with a migraine. M-pesa slay queens who bewitched you?

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