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My hubby has lost his mojo

Hi Achokis.

We have been married for the last 12 years. Our relationship has been good and we have had a great sex life. But of late, I have realised my husband is no longer interested in sex.

Whereas he used to be the one who always initiated sex, nowadays we can go even a month without it. He comes to bed late and always complains that he is tired. This is not normal. Could it be that he is getting it from someone else and that’s why he is no longer interested?

Our take

There can be a myriad of reasons your hubby is no longer interested in sex. Normally, a man’s libido may diminish with time as the woman’s increases and so, the interest in sex is not as high as it used to be for the man. Men are at their peak in their mid to late 20s, but as they approach 40 where your man could probably be at, there is a decline.


He could also be going through his mid-life and this transition in itself comes with its own issues. Looking back, he could be stressed with what he hasn’t achieved and looking forward he is anxious of the time running out and this can affect his sex life. This doesn’t mean that the man cannot perform or still enjoy sex.

The pressures of everyday life, family, work, bills and so on can zap a man’s libido. This comes as a big surprise to many women just like you and often this lack of interest in sex is taken personally or that they are seeing someone else. Simply because a man is not interested in sex doesn’t mean that he is seeing someone else.

Pursue him

Whenever there’s a problem in a relationship, we normally blame our partner for it. What we fail to realise is that it takes two to tango. Could it be that you are also not playing your part?

How is your relationship? Have you also tried initiating sex or do you just wait for him to do so? Men get tired and bored of always being the one to initiate. They want to be pursued too. If a man doesn’t feel treated well and respected, he might find it hard to respond to his woman sexually.

We cannot overrule the fact that yes he is seeing someone else. After ruling out the above, you can do your own investigations by observing if there’s any change in his behaviour, like hiding his phone, changing his passwords or vagueness on his whereabouts.

But before you do so, try bringing this up with him. It’s a sensitive subject, but the mistake many married couples make is that they assume a lot in this area instead of having those candid conversations even when things are good.

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