Entertainment and Lifestyle

Dear boy child, be on the lookout!

The World Cup is here and the campo boy child is having a field day! For the uninformed, campus dudes may not wear suits and ties but in fact, they hold high positions in their respective “white collar jobs”. This is because, these ninjas are self-proclaimed statistical analysts, risk assessment officers and strategic financial multipliers.

In layman’s language, sports betting gurus! With the World Cup here, there are several football games and for people who multiply their meagre Helb allocations into substantive amounts to confuse the girl child, it is indeed, a great time. Dear boy child, the lucky ones are raking in high returns and spending cash on slayqueens.

It is all right to jubilate but while you jump from one joint to the other with hips on the right hands and betting odds on the other hand, remember that high school babies are home for midterm. Yes, the babies are all over masquerading as babes. So dudes, before you splash your gambling loot trying to impress a babe in the bar, be careful not to watch the World Cup final behind bars!

It is all fun and games spoiling a slayqueen with drinks after predicting that Nigerian fashion models will receive a thrashing, until you get arrested for partying with a minor. So, rich prediction experts, let me give you a hint which will come in handy, when you go out. Now, dude if you meet her in a club and she is too obedient, dude— cut the chase because you are pampering a baby who is still yet to know nobody looks cute on their ID pictures.

These kids are still learning stuff and in most cases, they will let you make the decisions. If you ask her if she needs a drink and she says yes, then you ask which drink and she says, “Whatever you are drinking I will drink,” abort mission! You asked for a (manly) beer and the girl is gobbling it down like a hungry baby suckling from its mother, abort mission! That is a child on midterm letting you take the role of her chemistry teacher on the topic of alcoholics!

These campo ladies understand alcoholic drinks better than the subjects they are doing. The kind you ask, “Brandy or whiskey?” and she goes all “I want whiskey. You know whiskey is an Anglicisation of uisce beatha, which means water of life…” and you will be left scratching your head wondering whether to believe her and begin doubting that Sunday school teacher who said Jesus is a source of living water and the bread of life!

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