Barnabas & Grace Achoki
Hi Achokis. I was chatting with my boyfriend on WhatsApp when I noted he had put a photo of him and another woman as his profile picture. He knows I don’t like this woman because she was after him, but he told her he has a girlfriend. She had brushed this aside, saying it didn’t matter; she just wanted to have fun. I became jealous and lashed out. Should I be worried? Is it bad to be jealous? Can they just be friends? Our take
A relationship between a man and a woman should be exclusive in the sense that if one considers you as their boyfriend or girlfriend, they should not be flirting with someone else more so, someone that you already know their motives.
Love is possessive and that is why we get jealous when we see our significant other getting close with someone else of the opposite sex, especially someone who has openly expressed interest in them.
If you aren’t jealous then, it is because you have reached a place where you simply don’t care about the relationship. We must jealously guard our territories and if someone or something is threatening it, it is only natural to react the way you did.
Who did you lash out at, your boyfriend or the other woman? Lashing out at the other woman won’t help as the issue is with your boyfriend. Have you talked with your him about what kind of relationship you want?
Explain your relationship
You see, there are those who don’t mind what we call an open relationship where each partner is free to relate with other people while they are still in a relationship with you.
May be your guy thinks that is the kind of relationship you have while you think otherwise. It will be better to talk about your expectations—what you would want to see in your relationship.
When you have clearly articulated your expectations and have a mutual agreement of what kind of relationship you have, then and only then can you raise an issue when the other partner seems to be crossing the line.
He should declare his stand
But if you are not clear on what kind of relationship you have, then you will be working with assumptions and will have no right to cause trouble if you see them with someone else.
Yes, you need to be worried because this woman had outrightly declared her interest in your man. That is not something to be taken lightly. So, your man should declare what he really wants, if he wants you, then he should honour you by ceasing to see this other person leave alone taking pictures with her.
There is nothing like just friends with someone who has declared an interest in you. That relationship should stop, otherwise you will end up getting more hurt if you continue in it.