We end up disappointed and unhappy in life because we expect too much from others. Misplaced expectations in our relationships with family, friends, colleagues and even lovers only lead to heartaches that can be avoided. Shifting your focus to what matters and checking where you place your trust saves you a great deal of frustrations. Cynthia Mukanzi tells you why
1. Expect approval
At one point in life we all have knowingly or unknowingly hungered for affirmation from the wrong people in flawed ways. This is human, but not okay and that means you have to place more value in yourself and boost your self-esteem. As long as you don’t have that, no matter how loved you are by those around you, it will never be enough.
2. Expecting kindness to be reciprocated
Not everybody will show you gratitude and kindness as you’ve boundlessly poured out to them. When you do good for someone, do not expect the same from them.
We always think that people will be as loyal as we are to them and when they prove us wrong, we collapse in pain and heartbreak. It doesn’t mean you should be heartless; just teach yourself not to trust too much. If they treat you the same way, well and good, if not, pick yourself up and leave them behind.
3. Expecting people to always be there
You can probably swear that there are people who will always be there for you. As much as they would love to, and they mean well, life occasionally comes with different winds that can distort any assurance of such safety.
They may not be there for you all the time because life may have tossed them far away from you. We don’t usually understand this and that’s why it always cuts deep even if it is beyond our control. We feel let down or guilty for not being there for one another.
4. Expecting others to reaffirm your value
You cannot seek respect from others when you don’t accord yourself with the same. Do not give the world a reason to look down upon you. Spare love and respect for yourself before looking to others for these.
5. Expecting to be poeple’s number one
Some people are ridiculously selfish. They want you to put them first when they don’t even deserve it; when they’ve never lifted a finger to come through for you.
Even those who qualify to be prioritised sometimes get a raw deal. And that sucks, but that’s just how things are with some humans. The secret is to be your number one person.
6. Expecting to find happiness in others
Nobody is responsible for your happiness. You have to work on yourself. Yes, we meet amazing people who adorably make us smile from ear to ear and light up a room whenever they walk in because that is who they are.
Sad folks hang around people thinking that it will cheer them up, but it doesn’t. They just get a momentary distraction from gloom and when they are alone, they sink deep into pits of misery.
7. Expecting someone to complete you
Nobody will ever complete you; not your child, parents, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, sibling or best friend. You are complete and you have to figure out ways to open yourself to seeing the magnificence in your sense of self. Nourishment of the self to fulfilment comes from you.
8. Expecting good from people
The biggest disappointments in our lives are often the result of misplaced expectations. This is, especially true when it comes to our relationships and interactions with others. Spend time with those who value you.
9. Expecting others to meet your needs
This goes out to those people who want to have things they can’t afford or don’t want to spend on. If you decide to go out and party with friends, be ready to pay your bill and find your way back home.
Do not propose a date, hangout or tag along only for you to burden others financially, not unless they offered to foot your bill.
10. Expecting people to drop everything for you
There are funny fellas who think the world revolves around them and that people will always show up at their beck and call. If roles were reversed, would you be willing to trade your time, energy and resources?