Entertainment and Lifestyle

Come back to class, we are ‘two-tired’!

Do you know why a bicycle cannot stand on its own? Because it’s two-tired! That is where comrades are currently, due to the lecturers’ strike. We are tired! Simpletons will say “punda amechoka” (the donkey is tired) but comrades want to sound a bit sophisticated; we are two-tired!

So…lecturers…the guys who act like they know everything! Well, reality stands that we cannot challenge them on matters books because scholarly stuff is their field of expertise. But, apparently, these guys have decided to enter a zone that we, the esteemed comrades, are the experts. They are on strike!

Just the same way they give us Es in their fields of expertise, it is with much authority—by the powers granted unto me by comrades—to announce that as the Dean of Strikes, I have consulted with the Comrades’ Senate of Riots and we have unanimously awarded our lecturers a strong E in the ongoing strike!

Being close to comrades all the time, we would at least have expected lecturers to be the experts in strikes and teach the rest of the civil servants how this thing is done. Sitting on a table to address the press with your afros and intimidating English is not how we do it! Here’s a tip you should borrow from us:

 You peeps always insist we should at all times move beyond what has been done and come up with something new. So why are y’all singing Solidarity Forever? That chant has been there since 1253. Be creative and compose own music smart folks!

 You need a mantra. You can’t walk along the streets without your voices being heard. We have “Comrades Power”. But don’t copy ours. Isn’t that plagiarism and you always say in class it’s the worst academic crime? Come up with a mantra…something matching your sophistication. Something like “Enlightened Homo Sapiens oomph!” They all reply “Oomph!”

 “Mafisi Tibim!” is a key phrase in riots to psyche up comrades. Can you also make up yours? Something more intellectual like “Members of family Hyaenidae, Tea-beam!”

 We normally throw stones in these things. Y’all can hurl marker pens and books at cops.

 Do you remember how you harass our brains with questions like “John is a boy, calculate the weight of the sun?”. Why don’t you use today’s room temperature to calculate the probability of a salary increment? Just a question.

Long story short, come back soon. We are broke and we don’t want parents to summon us back to the village because “learning is not going on”.

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