H i Achokis. I have been married for 10 years now and have three children, all girls. We have had a relatively good marriage until I discovered that my husband was cheating on me.
When I confronted him, he initially denied, but later accepted. He told me he was going to end the relationship, but I recently found out that they are still on.
To make matters worse, he even confessed that the other woman was pregnant with his child and that he was contemplating taking her in as a second wife. This has greatly affected me as I’m not ready to be in a polygamous arrangement. What should I do? Please help!
It is one thing to find out that one’s spouse is cheating on them, but another for the spouse to actually go ahead to sanitise that other relationship.
Don’t make any rush decision now as it is possible that your man is still dealing with the ramifications of the other woman’s condition.
He might be sympathetic to the fact that she is pregnant and thus, wouldn’t want to leave her in this state. He might be feeling that he needs to take responsibility for his actions and thus his decision.
He might have also wanted a boy since you have three girls and so thinking that he has a chance of getting one, now why not marry this woman. Probably and hopefully, with time he will come around and realise that is not the best decision after all.
Marriage is mutual
On your part don’t put too much pressure on him or react towards him in a way that makes him justify his ways. A marriage is supposed to be mutual and not one sided. If he wants this arrangement and you are not comfortable with it, then let him know how you feel.
You might even want to suggest to him that you don’t mind him taking responsibility for the child without necessarily marrying this other woman. You may need to involve both your parents and even your spiritual leaders to help try and resolve this matter.
But if he is adamant on marrying her, then you cannot hold him back from doing so. What you can do is consider a separation where you agree to co-parent your children. If you got married in church or legally then your husband cannot contract another marriage, meaning he cannot now marry under another act.
If on the other hand you were married under the customary law, which allows for polygamy, then things might be a little bit tricky for you. You will thus need to involve a lawyer to give you the necessary legal advice on the way forward. The law is now clear on some of these things and you as a woman are protected by it.