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Confidence in the bedroom

Waithera Otieno

Sex can be complicated and intimidating, often times turning our usually self-confident selves into nervous wrecks. Yet, it is said that one of the most attractive qualities on a lover is self-confidence. It’s easier to look like you know what you are doing when you are fully clothed and doing things that are familiar to you, around other fully clothed people.

However, there is something unnerving about being alone, unclothed, with your object of desire. It is, especially tricky if it’s your first time, or if you have had a long period of separation. Suddenly, you become aware of all your physical ‘flaws’ and wonder if your technique will wow your lover.

To retain your confidence between the sheets, you can always pick lessons from your past experiences or information you acquired from friends or books. What worked well, and what didn’t work well? Which partners /characters were the most memorable and what made them so special? It is also important to know yourself.

What gives you pleasure? What do you want out of the relationship? Knowing this will allow you to communicate it to your partner. Being confident enough to talk about intimacy with your partner is in itself a huge turn-on for both of you. It gives you the opportunity to find out what your partner desires.

Communication also allows you to explore your fantasies together, and explore new ways of giving and receiving pleasure. The best gift you can give yourself and your lover is to ditch the pressure to performance and the need to impress. Instead, focus on pleasure, sharing, exploration, giving, receiving.

Pay attention to how you feel as opposed to how you appear to your partner. In the real world, practice makes perfect. Sex gets better after repeat experiences with the same person.

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