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How do I make my marriage work amidst many failed ones?

Hi Achokis.

We have been married for three years and are enjoying our marriage. My desire is to have a rich and fulfilling relationship with my hubby. My worry is that I have seen many marriages that started well end up badly. What do we need to do to keep our bond strong in marriage? Please advise!


Many marriages start on a high, but with time, things happen and two people who once were madly in love no longer want to see each other.

The reasons many marriages wax cold and eventually die are many. So, what do you need to do to keep your bond strong? First, don’t let familiarity creep into your relationship as this breeds contempt. When we become too familiar, we start taking each other for granted and no longer value each other as we first did. We stop appreciating and complimenting them.

If we don’t constantly remind ourselves how valuable our spouse is, he/she will start depreciating in our eyes. The other thing that so often poses a danger to marriage is boredom.

When we stop putting effort and being creative in spicing up our relationship, everything becomes routine, even sex. There is no romance no fun, no element of surprise, everything is predictable.

But when we are always trying new things in our relationship, when we are fun to be with, and add humour, we keep the bond strong in our marriage. Don’t allow negativity to erode your marriage.

It’s amazing that when we are dating, we are focused on only the positives of our partner and easily overlook the negatives. But once we are married for a while, we start focusing on the negatives while being blind to their positives.

In order to keep the bond strong in marriage, refuse to develop those negatives and instead remind yourself what attracted you to each other. Keep it positive, watch your attitude, especially when things are not going well as life happens to all of us.

It is important to ensure that you remain emotionally connected to each other as that is one thing that so easily fade away. Make spending time together a priority.

Learn to resolve your conflicts well without being disrespectful and unloving to each other. Be open in your communication. And yes, don’t ignore your sex life, as they say, sex moves from thrice weekly, to trying weekly before fading into trying monthly.

Don’t stop being affectionate with each other, holding hands, calling each other those sweat names, among others. Whereas now it is almost automatic to do some of these things, a time will come when it will take being more deliberate in doing them.

It will take a lot of effort and time. Enjoy now even as you prepare and build a foundation for your latter years that way the marriage like wine will grow sweater with age.

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