We’ve always talked about how women shouldn’t listen to any advice beyond ‘run’ when in that abusive relationship. But I realised we’re somewhat hushed about how to avoid all this in the first place. Before he finally manages to squeeze confidence out of you.
Confidence because I believe a woman in her right senses should be bold enough to tell the disrespect that comes with abuse and run. I’ve seen this smart, independent friend, the very definition of a strong woman go through this. Now this friend is one of the best drivers around.
You know one of those people when on the wheel, you are assured of maximum safety? You can even catch some winks once in a while. Not one of those situations where you have to be 100 per cent keen, they brake you brake albeit imaginary.
So far, not a scratch on her kadudu (her tiny car). Believe me, she’s good. So, she’s been dating this guy for some time, a guy she ended up marrying. After some time, I noticed that she’d want to confirm if she really was a good driver.
Apparently, the husband thinks otherwise and constantly reminds her how much of a terrible driver she is. She’s become so conscious of herself, one time I noticed just how freaked out she was driving. And that’s when I realised he had managed to knock her off balance.
One time he’ll pretend to be tired, angry and doesn’t want to talk, then he receives a call and suddenly he’s all over the place laughing and happy. She has these excellent biashara ideas, but he’ll shove them off only to end up pursuing them behind her back.
Women and slay queens, that’s how you become weak and defeated. You buy him gifts and it somehow falls short of what it should be, either the cologne doesn’t smell good enough or the shirt isn’t his favourite colour. Sometimes he’ll say you walk funny or you have big feet.
They try to get you buy in the fact that there’s something wrong with you. And once it starts getting into you, they become these sweet creatures that you’ll start questioning if there was a problem in the first place or it’s just in your head.
Once you feel that the relationship/marriage isn’t a safe emotional place to be in, he’s definitely that guy. That abusive guy who’s never on the wrong. He’s always playing the victim, so you blame yourself. And that’s how it all begins. Do your math ladies!