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Funny excuses men give when caught pants down

Betty Muindi @BettyMuindi

A friend once told me in a hearty conversation ‘cheating is made up of more than just a quick phone call that no one hears. Or a date with your mpango for a quick lunch that allows you to peep into her cleavage while taking a bite of nyamchom and red wine at a hidden bar somewhere out of town.

With all of this secretive excitement taken away, cheating is just a horse with no legs; powerless and on a note of sadness, helpless. Take away the suspense, anticipation and danger.

What do you get? Not much. This topic attracted thousands of likes and comments on a popular women’s group on Facebook last week and their stories of how their husbands reacted when caught pants down sent followers to the floor ribs cracking.

Anita Wamboi could not believe her eyes after following through a lead by a friend who had spotted her husband entering a certain lodging in Mlolongo with another woman.

“After tipping the lodging receptionist Sh1,000 she allowed me to follow my husband. I found the father of my children all over a woman on the hotel bed,” she narrates. But what was even more surprising was his response when he saw her, “Honey, I don’t know what happened, it is the devil.

I heard a demonic voice say go on and take that bar-maid to a room. And honey, I did. I don’t love her and it was only a physical happening. No love at all,” laughs Wamboi describing the scene.

Clare Nyale, a businesswoman in Nairobi fondly remembers the day she caught her husband at a lodging in the neighbourhood after a tip-off. “He acted completely like an insane man, ‘Who am I?

Where am I? Is that you, baby? You look a lot like my wife. I wish someone would tell me what is going on with me! And who is this woman besides me, Oh my God honey, if that is you, call the doctor, I don’t know my name or how I got here.’

I literally laughed my heart out and went home to pack and leave,” says Jane. So, what are some of instant stupid excuses men say when they are caught cheating? Here is a collection of funny, and just plain weird, excuses men give after being confronted by their wives about an affair.

She’s just a friend

This is one quick response many married men will give when caught, especially when not in a compromising situation. But, did you consider that you generally don’t call “friends” of the opposite sex at odd hours of the night, make the call in the bathroom, or delete your communication? And further take them to hotel rooms during lunch hour?

It is your entire fault

When Purity Wangila caught her husband, cheating, he accused her of refusing to quit her job so she could stay at home with the children for his cheating.

“Can that ever be an excuse to justify his actions?” she wondes. Her husband went on to accuse her that if she had only been this, or that, or a combination of this and that, he never would have had to cheat on her. “See what you’ve made me do?” he asked. So ridiculous!

She needed me

Hoping you will feel some kind of empathy for the other woman, a cheating husband will use this one as they try to appeal to your emotional, caring side. “She lost her brother, I was just consoling her.” His excuse is that she was going through a tough time, needed someone to talk to. And your husband, being the helpful and considerate guy that he is, was right there to help.

I wanted you to find out by yourself

Now this is a man who does not care whatever happens to the relationship. Or maybe he has been trying to get out of this whole adultery thing for a while, but didn’t know how to end it. “I am so glad I got caught…I have been trying to end it,” this one would say.

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