Entertainment and Lifestyle

We decided never to have sex before marriage

For the two and a half years that celebrity couple Cece Sagini and Victor Peace dated, they never got intimate. That, in the millennial era sounds like hard a nut to crack. But is this a fallacy or worth it? Betty Muindi finds out

Gospel musician Cece Sagini and her celebrity photographer husband Victor Peace know that good things come to those who wait. And they practise what they preach! The couple said ‘I do’ during a lavish wedding ceremony in December after dating for two-and-a-half years. And their wedding night was the first night they had sex.

The celebrity couple shared their story on their vlog Meet the Peaces early this week. “I had had sex before, but I vowed not to do it again until I got married, because of its effect on the mind, body and spirit,” Sagini said.

“I personally get so attached. It happened to me, and once that happens you are bound to stick to a wrong relationship with someone because of the bond you have created between each other. It becomes difficult to leave even when the relationship becomes abusive,” she explains.

Peace on the other hand says being raised in a strong Christian family influenced his perception of sex before marriage. “Sex for me, since I was a young boy was bad. I felt like it was sinful and even thinking about it made me feel guilty. I even made a pact with colleagues in college, who were also pastor’s kids that we would abstain until marriage,” he revealed.

This went on until when he was in his Fourth Year at the university when he succumbed to peer pressure and gave in. “I felt really bad after the deed for letting myself down,” he says.

But when they met each other years later, the two lovebirds are grateful that they were both thinking about the same thing— not to have sex until walking down the aisle.

The two defended their decision. “When you get physical with a man, it is easy for him to lose interest. You lose respect from him and you also don’t get a chance to know each other in other ways other than sex,” he explained.

Sagini said that she did not want to make sex a routine in her relationships. Once you start to have intercourse, then it becomes a natural habit, which may become unavoidable. The couple agree this not only spoils the intimacy, but also breaks the desire to get into the next phase of life with the same person.

Sagini and Peace’s story stirred a heated debate on social media with some users congratulating them for waiting and being brave enough to share their story to educate young people. But others were full of criticism.

Pros and cons

It is the 21st century. Engaging in sex while dating or casual sex in college is as common as getting a cup of tea. So, is it really possible to completely abstain from sex until marriage and is there a reward for staying celibate?

Relationship counsellor, Florence Wefuma, says like a coin has two sides, indulging in sex has its pros and cons. The pros include handling sexual issues upfront. “Many couples tying the knot don’t want to wait until the honeymoon to know if things are going to work in the bedroom, and would agree that having sex before marriage is an important way to establish if there’s a basic level of sexual compatibility. At times, sexual disputes can mar the marriage. Sex before marriage can address such issues upfront,” she says.

Also, withholding sex may result in a marriage earlier than planned, before the couple know each other too well or before they are ready.

But Wefuma warns that peeking into someone’s performance may not be a solution. Good sex before marriage may not last, as people’s sexual needs may change over the years.

Further, a key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone.’ This lowers our defences and makes us trust.

“It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. And this means you are more likely to let your guard down and fall in love after sex,” she explains.

However, Wefuma cautions that the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or marriage material, oxytocin is released either way. So, while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.

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