So, your daughter meets your other woman in the most unexpected manner? take note, she may not get over that infidelity throughout her life.
Virginia Wambui and Sandra Wekesa @PeopleDailyKe
Typical of a teenager, Susan Wafula had missed her afternoon lessons in campus to have some fun with her friends. Fear of Missing out (FOMO), you may say. But when she stepped into a famous club in Nairobi, she regretted having made that decision.
She walked into her father in the company of a beautiful woman, young enough to be her age. Going by the way they were seated, the way they held each other’s gaze and how they touched and caressed one another, you could read between the lines that there was something going on.
Susan’s legs couldn’t move, she just stood at the entrance, her eyes transfixed on her dad. and as her friends pushed her in, her dad raised his eyes to see what was happening. then he saw his daughter. he looked surprised, more like a thief who has been caught in the act.
Susan hurriedly left. at home, her father summoned her. he told her to keep what she had seen a secret. “he said if i wouldn’t tell anyone, then he wouldn’t tell mum that i was missing my classes. I was in a fix. This was the man I had admired as a father and husband to my mother. How could he fail in such a manner?” Susan poses.
Stephanie Mureithi was 13 years when she met her dad’s mistress. her parents had been having issues for long. “i met her at a supermarket. Dad was doing shopping for her. he just came and introduced her in the most casual way, ‘meet my girlfriend’.
I was speechless because such things don’t happen often,” says Stephanie, adding, “i can’t take it out on my parents because mistakes do happen. Well, at least i see it in movies, but just never imagined it could happen to me. But i felt dad betrayed us as a family.”
It was not any different for Ruth Wangui who had to deliver a cheque to her father’s mistress. She admits that they had always suspected that there was another woman in her father’s life, just that it didn’t cross their minds that she could be younger than their last born.
Ruth says it was so painful to stare at her dad every time and ignore the fact that she doesn’t have to tell the mother because she wanted them to maintain family unity.
“The hardest part of it is that my mother never found out anything. But i couldn’t look at my father in the same way again,” she says. It is true that a father shapes her daughter’s future relationships with men. he is the first man that she’s had contact with, trusted and actually built a relationship with, as explained by James Mbugua, a psychologist.
Many dads set the bar of how their daughter’s relationship with men would be in future. “how we act is mostly determined by how we were brought up.
In case the girls have either witnessed or heard that their fathers have had extramarital affairs there is developed perception that men are cheaters,” he says, adding, “women tend to pick their partners either knowingly or unknowingly based on the characteristics of their dad.
She wants a faithful husband because her dad wasn’t faithful or she wants someone as loving as her dad.” when it comes to the family and the wife is aware of the infidelity, it never remains the same.
The family unity remains at risk. The impact of a parent’s infidelity never fades. in fact, as time goes on, it becomes more vivid. there is a sense of betrayal to both the children and the mother, because of the feeling that he opted to put the other woman first.
So, what happens to the children, especially girls when they grow up? “when you experience a father’s infidelity, you will do everything to avoid such thing to happen in your life.
These are women who live knowing that everyone can let them down and they don’t trust easily. In this case, such women whenever someone says nice things to them, it takes a while for them to believe it. It becomes hard to regain that trust again,” he adds.