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Mourning my son two years later

Trizah Kimani’s son didn’t live to celebrate his first birthday. But he has never been forgotten. Every year, Trizah Kimani visits a children’s home and identifies any child who shares a birthday with her late son to cut a cake

Nothing can be more devastating than losing a child. It is the ultimate tragedy. From the moment a child dies, parents are faced with the two extremes of loss and life— the suffocating loss of a child and the ongoing daily demands of parenting the grieving siblings and being a wife to a griving husband.

Trizah Kimani lost her third born on December 15, 2015 seven days after he was born. Every year, she holds a birthday party for him and she usually chooses to celebrate it with the less fortunate.

Most of the time, she visits children’s home where she identifies any child who shares a birthday with her late son. The child then cuts the birthday cake on behalf of Trizah’s late son.

“He was born with a malformation, where his trachea and oesophagus were blocked, and formed an abnormal gap. A condition known as tracheaesophagus fistula. I understand it’s a rare condition and for me, I have never heard such a case before,” she says.

From hospital, Trizah and her husband didn’t know what to tell their other children who were eagerly waiting for their little brother because they had been prepared mentally for his arrival.

When they got home empty handed with nothing to show, but packed baby bags and basins, Triza could not control her tears. She prayed that once the children receive the bad news, they would understand.

“I was not ready to see my children grief because I needed someone to comfort me,” she says. On hearing their brother is no more, the firstborn who was six years broke down. “He kept asking ‘but mum, where are we going to take the things that your friends brought for our brother during baby shower?’

I assured him that our baby would come back to wear them,” says Trizah who insists she’s a mother of four, (three alive and the one who passed on. So, what did she do with the baby’s items? “Two weeks after his demise, I took eight paperbags (the big yellow ones. That time they had not been banned) and I put all baby’s items and anything that was to be used after delivery such as lesos, slippers.

I tied each at the bottom with a note ‘waiting for your return.’ I then put them at the top of wardrobe with so many written notes to God. It might have sounded crazy, but it was my way of communicating to God,” she adds.

Trizah’s husband was quiet for most of the time. Other times he would get angry. The fact that he works in a medical field didn’t make anything easier. “He couldn’t understand how he has been saving other children’s lives yet, he couldn’t save his own child.

He talked to our church elders and other people who have gone through similar experiences and with time, and by grace of God he endured the loss. Though she got a lot of support from close friends and relatives during the grieving period, she couldn’t forget about her son because according to her, a part of her died with her son.

During this moment a musician in her was born. She became a gospel artiste with a moniker, Trizah Overcomer. Additionally, Trizah joined a Facebook group “Parents with Angels in Heavens” where she got a lot of encouragement from mothers who had also lost their children.

“I joined the group because there’s a difference between being encouraged by someone who has experienced such a loss and one who hasn’t. I’d say some people end up hurting and adding more pain to a grieving mother thinking they are comforting her,” she adds.

In 2016 Trizah conceived and as her due date approached, she got anxious and worried . She would imagine going to the theatre and die in the process, or lose her child again. “It got to a point I became so emotional and I cried on entering the theatre.

My doctor kept encouraging and telling me it would be well, but I wasn’t sure if it would be. I said my last prayer and handed over my life to God. I thank God all went well, and on December 2016, I delivered a bouncing baby boy” she recalls. Her advice to parents who have lost their children is never to be hard on themselves.

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