2018 is here. I know we have all been saying that tired ‘New Year, New Me’ phrase that is normally broken by day two, but we really need to make resolutions. Not much because we have become paragons of propriety all of a sudden, but because, there are things that we are now tired of and we cannot persevere another year of witnessing such.
By we I mean me, myself and I (the personal trinity). First of all. Campo girls. I want us to agree on one thing. Y’all are going to start respecting grammar! You are supposed to be the epitomes of stellar intellectual abilities because that is what an university is supposed to make you. But on the flipside, you have become worse than the uneducated folk, abusing the Queen’s language with complete scorn and disdain. Nothing vexes so much than seeing a whole third year calling herself a slay queen.
You should be arrested! Slay? Who did you slay? Do you know that murder is a crime? But you did it anyway and took the proud epithet of a slay queen! Murderer! Murder-shiro! Just because you think you are the hottest being on earth doesn’t give you the right to go around proclaiming yourself as a killer! Even worse, slay queens as they call themselves, have a bad habit of insulting our intelligence.
They will post a picture online as caption; “Queening like a boss”. Lady. Last we checked, queen is a noun not a verb. You cannot “queen”. Who are you to go around ‘verbing nouns’? Act like educated folk, oh yes lost children of slayqueendom! Post your graduation pictures not bathroom selfies!
And stop being narcissists! Y’all aren’t the most beautiful creatures in the world. So stop acting like the world owes you the pleasure to drool over your beauty. Myself, I have a ‘I see-your-face-once-a-day’ policy. So you cannot be posting 193,789 images as your WhatsApp story! We have Cats to study for and notes to write.
Our business is not to sit all day drooling at your status…so giving people hell because they didn’t view your status. Stop lying to people online too. Taking selfies and captioning, “classtime!” needs to stop. This is because, you create the impression that you are the most serious student while all you do during class-time is post screenshots of the conversation with your ex to the “girls mushene” group for discussion!
There is another brood that comes to class to take millions of selfies…and when they are busy ‘slaying’, they post pictures they took to deceive folks that they are in class. You cannot spot them but on their WhatsApp status, they are seated on the front seat! Auntie, the witches in your village are rejoicing! Your mum in the village is showing neighbours your Whatsapp Story saying how she is proud you are a serious student and yet you haven’t stepped in school the entire semester! Sister. Change in 2018!