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Should I rekindle an old flame?

Hi Achokis. I broke up with my boyfriend three years ago because I felt he was not treating me right. One year later, I met a guy whom I fell in love with.

Last year, I got a baby with him. I bumped into my ex’s sister in town last month and she told me that their mother was sick in hospital. I decided to go and visit her since we had developed a rapport with her.

I met my ex there and when he was seeing me out, he told me how he had missed me and how he regretted treating me the way he did. He tried to explain that it was because he was going through a stressful time at his workplace.

I’ve been thinking about him and when he called me this week and asked if we could meet, I got confused. One part of me wants to, but the other is afraid. What should I do? Please advise.

Our take

You say you broke up with your ex three years ago because he was mistreating you. A year later, you meet this other man and fall in love with him and before long, you get a child with him. This raises three questions.

First, could it be that you were so hurt by your ex’s actions that by the time your current boyfriend came into your life and treated you the way you had wished your ex was treating you, you were so vulnerable that you immediately fell in love with him?

Secondly, could it also be that there was really never closure with your ex? How did you end the relationship? Was it just a reaction and in a huff you left not giving enough thought to it? Or thirdly, could the situation with his mother whom you say you were close to, have melted your heart to the point you are considering to give it a try?

Don’t meet him

You must realise that because of the above you are again at a vulnerable state and are warming up to him. Old flames are being reignited. You might want to meet your ex hoping to bring things to a closure, or may want to overcome the guilt of having left him when he was having some issues, or be feeling sorry for him because of his sick mother.

These things may tend to cloud your judgement and lead you to make a wrong decision. It is, therefore, advisable not to agree to meet him for now. What makes you think he won’t mistreat you again?

What about your current boyfriend, the father of your child, are you still in a relationship with him? If yes, what do you think he will feel about this? Even if things are not working well between the two of you, this is not the time to further complicate issues.

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