Hi Achokis. I was in a relationship, which lasted for three years and ended in 2013. I was greatly disappointed because I had made a lot of efforts to make it work. I swore that I would never get married. But now I am feeling so lonely and I want to settle down. My problem is, I don’t know how to approach a woman. Please help.
First, you were in a relationship that lasted for three years. This means you can actually approach a woman because you did it then. The bigger problem is the effect of your broken relationship. This is what is holding you back from approaching another woman for a relationship.
You tried your best to keep this relationship, but didn’t succeed. This left you with a bitter taste in your mouth that you haven’t recovered from. You were seriously hurt seeing that you didn’t want this relationship to end, but however hard you tried she left you.
Nothing hurts a man than rejection. In the heat of emotion, you told yourself that you would never enter into another relationship and those words you swore to yourself have ensnared you.
Because of what happened, you fear entering into another relationship, thus approaching a woman because you think it will end the same. And, therefore, you see yourself as a failure. This means you have a low self-esteem that makes it hard for you to approach a woman.
Pick up your pieces
So, what do you need to do? First, it is important that you ensure that you are healed from the break-up, otherwise you will continue to project those hurt feelings in your next relationship.
You need to renounce those words that you told yourself three years ago. You need to change your mindset and this you do by being aware of what you are telling yourself and changing it.
You got to tell yourself that it was not meant to be and simply because that particular relationship didn’t work, it doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you.
Neither does it mean that your subsequent relationships won’t work. You have got to change your perspective and see yourself differently. You need to pick yourself up and try again.
Once that is done, gather courage and begin to socialise with the women around you. Make sure you are warm and welcoming. Work on your sense of humour.
Proceed with an open mind knowing that whoever you approach may say yes or no and that is okay as people have a free will to choose what they want in life and we must respect that. It’s not about you, it’s about them. We are sure that there is some woman out there who is waiting for someone like you who will love and take good care of them.