People Daily

The sorry status of our marriages

I have reached the irresistible conclusion that the only real family structure that exists in Kenya is a mother and her children or a father and his children. More often than not, marriages are ending up in failure and even within the marital institution, the relationship between the husbands and their wives has rotten leaving only the relationship between each spouse and his of her children.

As far as the other social structures such as siblings, parents and relatives and even friends are concerned, all they can do is be supportive. The biggest losers in all this are the children. What are we going to do about this? I do not know.

What I know is what I am doing about it in my own small way. In my peer counselling sessions, I teach women to come to Mary’s Manger or find a place to go and talk about their marital woes and laugh about them with others who are victims of difficult marriages.

There is no pain too deep that it cannot be lessened by sharing it with others who care. In fact, sharing your pain with others is an awesome therapy because they will gladly take it from you and turn it into a happy thought.

If you let them do that, you can exude happiness in the home and not be miserable all the time. You can also resist the temptation to turn your children into revenge seeking machines who grow up to recognise only their mother or father as the source of love for them.

At the latest Mary’s Manger fellowship, I taught my dear women from the village to learn how to suffice and be sufficient. In my view, to suffice is to know that you alone can change your world for the better and so you do not wait until the day others join you to start believing that change is possible.

To be sufficient is to exhaust the resources you have and not seek to acquire more until then. I also realised that when I am in need or want for anything, I should ask myself whether what I need is necessary for my heart to continue beating for as long as possible.

Our hearts are awesome creations. They start beating long before we are born and continue beating throughout our lives no matter what the rest of our organs are doing. My heart is the part of me that is most similar to the sun because of its routine.

To suffice and be sufficient necessarily means putting the needs and wants of my heart first. Yes, my heart can mislead me, but that is only if I have no goal to achieve. When I set a goal for myself, I will succeed only if I allow my heart to guide me there. The writer is a lawyer and a blogger

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