Hi Achokis. I have been in a relationship for the last two years. We love each other and are planning to enter into a long-term relationship. The man stays with his mother and I have an apartment. He occasionally sleeps over at my place.
The other day we decided that he moves into my place. My friends and even some of my siblings have advised me against that. Is there anything wrong with my boyfriend moving in with me?
We have been socialised in a way that, it is the woman who is expected to move into a man’s house and not the other way round. However, in this day and age, things are changing.
We now have women who are doing well financially and can afford to live by themselves or even service a mortgage. And when they want to settle down in marriage then one of the options becomes moving into the woman’s house depending on the factors considered.
What to consider
So, there is nothing wrong with your boyfriend moving in with you. However, there are a few things to consider. First, why is your boyfriend still staying with his mother? Is it because he doesn’t have a job or is it that he is taking care of his mother or is he just a “mama’s boy”? If he doesn’t have a job, what is he doing about that?
Is he looking for a job, going to school or trying out a business? You need to ensure that he is responsible enough. Secondly, you need to be sure that he is in this for who you are and not just what you have.
There are some young men today who are looking for a woman who will take care of them while they do nothing. You don’t want someone taking advantage of you and coming in just because they have found a ‘sponsor’. You must test him to see how much he really loves you.
Read between the lines
“Is he secure enough with this arrangement or will he later on start fighting you whenever an issue concerning the house arises?” How do you know whether or not he is secure with this arrangement?
You can only know this when you observe how he reacts or responds whenever you ask him to do something about the house or when your friends or relatives make a nasty comment about this arrangement.
Finally, you also need be honest with yourself. Is this what you want in marriage? Are you comfortable with the man moving in? What are your expectations of a husband?
What fears do you have? It is only after grappling with such questions that you can be in a good position to consider whether or not to allow him to move into your place.