I am a single mother to an eight-year-old son. I recently met a man who loves me and has proposed to marry me. He has gelled well with my son and is looking forward to being his father. I’m excited about this except that my son’s biological father is still in the picture.
He has been supporting his son and even takes him away occasionally over the weekends. Since I told him about my plans to get married, he has been behaving strangely. He sometimes gets upset and starts scolding me or sends me nasty messages. The other day he told me that he won’t let go his son. I’m a bit confused. How do I handle this situation? Please advise.
Indeed, this is a confusing situation. But first, we commend your boyfriend for accepting to take you and your son. We all have a past and it is always comforting to know that there are those who would love us in spite of our history. To handle this situation, it is important for you to know that your boy’s father is being driven by two fears — the fear of losing you and losing his son.
He might still have been hopeful that the relationship might work and so, seeing you move on, thwarted all hopes. Coupled with that fear is the fact that he might be jealous that you have moved on.
Concerning the fear of losing his son, you need to assure him that he will always be the boy’s father and that no one is about to snatch his son away from him. Try and convince him that what needs to happen should be for the good of everyone involved, especially the boy.
Reassure him that you will still allow him access to his son as long as he cooperates and doesn’t interfere with your new relationship. If he proves difficult, let him know that you are ready to seek legal help, which may not be to his advantage.
You have not indicated whether he is married and if he’s not, the law may act in your favour because of the boy’s age and the fact that you have been the one staying with him.
At this stage, the boy needs to be nurtured and the best person who can do that is the mother, unless for some reason the mother is not able to do so. The only thing required will be that you allow the father time with his son as the case has been.
Even this must now be done bearing in mind the fact that there is now a third party involved. We hope the boy’s father sees sense and acts in a mature manner as this might just work to his advantage in the near future.